Comic Reviews Week of 4/28/09

This column is dedicated to the Jesuits...they know why.

Written By Geoff "Why, God, Why" Johns
Art By George Perez

If this were a video blog, it'd be a safe bet that I'd make fun of the phonetic similarity between "Johns" and "Khan" and if you don't know how that works, I don't know why you're reading this blog.

Okay, now I know that the Time Trapper has had a rather flexible identity, he's been the personification of entropy, an alternate version of Cosmic Boy and the adult version of Lori Morning (a minor character in the reboot Legion that didn't even rate a cameo in this crossover). So his identity is flexible. Plus, we're dealing with three Legions and therefore alternate universes, so the Time Trapper is not necessarily THE Time Trapper.

However, let me just go on record as saying that there is no acceptable circumstance for any version of the Time Trapper being or even impersonating Superboy Prime for even a second. Okay? Everyone hates Superboy Prime, and not in the "Oh, man, I hope the Legion can beat this guy" kind of way so much as the, "Great, so the last time I see my version of the Legion they have to be fighting this tool?" kind of way.

Also, at this point, it seems like the only reason that the reboot and threeboot Legions get to guest-star is to provide cannon fodder so the Superboy-Prime can be threatening without making Johns sacrifice any of the members of his Legion, which is kind of adding insult to injury.

Oh yeah, and Kid Flash and Connor Kent return. I was never a particularly big fan of either character, especially once Johns got a hold of them in Teen Titans and basically made Kid Flash a boring non-entity and turned Connor Kent into the emo-iest member of the Superman family at the time.

Well, at least this Geoff Johns crossover is almost over....


Green Lantern (v4) #40
Written By Geoff Johns
Art By Phillip Tan

Agent Orange is still a profoundly stupid name, let's get that out of the way to start with.

And...you know, is anyone else getting tired of the seemingly endless build-up towards Blackest Night? (By the way, ten bucks says that there's a tie-in somewhere called 'Blackest Knight' that is about how Batman ties into all of this)

Anyway, here's been the general arc of stories for the last two years of Green Lantern stories

1. Green Lanterns encounter new corps
2. Guardians gather in secret chamber, speak ominously
3. Green Lanterns confront new corps
4. Guardians release new law that paints them in a darker light
5. Hal Jordan is troubled by the preceding events


Ultimate Hulk vs. Wolverine #5 (of 6)
Written By Damon Lindelof
Art By Leinil Franci Yu

This issue is pretty good, but it's probably not "Three years of waiting" good.

Also, if you can remember the names of the characters from "The Goonies" there is no way that you're claiming that Star Trek is for dorks, especially since Wolverine would have had to be in his seventies or so when "The Goonies" came out.

Okay, I thought too much about that one. At any rate, there's a good chance that this will be the last decent book ever released for the Ultimate Line, so enjoy it while you can, because God knows it's a sinking ship.



War Machine (v2) #5
Written By Greg Pak
Art By Leonardo Manco

It's kind of hard to put into words what I feel about this book. I mean, I think most people who read it would say that it's not very good, but on the other hand, you have to give the writers and artists credit for making War Machine looks progressively more ridiculous with each passing issue. Here's how Jim Rhodes looks by the end of the issue:


Now, you're probably wondering, 'wait, what the fuck is Dethlok doing in War Machine,' and the answer is....a poor choice of character design that has resulted in Marvel copying itself.

But in a world where Chuck Norris became an internet sensation, I suppose there's a place for this book. So sail on, you crazy...bird...okay, let's move on.

And now for a new feature micro-mini-reviews, because some times I don't even care enough to cobble together a couple of paragraphs:

Uncanny X-Men #509: Wait, so the first mutant in modern times was born in 1906 San Francisco? Does this mean mutants are caused by earthquakes?

Ms. Marvel #38: Meet the most unsustainable premise a comic has ever had!

Skaar, Son of the Hulk #11: Barbarians never, ever, ever need to learn about the power of friendship, okay?

Runaways #9: The Runaways win by Dragon ex Machina, as this series gives new and painful meaning to the phrase 'diminishing returns.'

Justice Society of America #26: Geoff Johns leaves JSA with a story that I can only imagine was designed to reduce my separation anxiety by making me hate him as much as possible. But I kid, I'm so glad that he took an entire issue to tell us how rad Stargirl is...and that's essentially all that happens. Apparently she's awesome, because she inspired both the old and young with her pluck, snatched victory from the jaws of defeat and...

If you love, I really mean love, Stargirl, you'll love this issue. Otherwise, you'll wish Geoff Johns would take his fucking Mary Sue with him when he leaves.

X-Men Origins - Wolverine (by which I mean the movie): If your version of Deadpool is mute and functions like an automaton and is the most powerful antagonist in the movie, there's a pretty fair chance you've rather drastically missed the point of the character at every possible level. Congratulations.