Comic Reviews Week of 2/25/09

It's time for more stumblin', bumblin', and most importantly grumblin' reviews.

Okay, that didn't even sound good in my head.



Justice Society of America #24
Written By Geoff "Everybody loves Black Adam" Johns
Art By Jerry Ordway


Mary Marvel's still evil, eh? Really?

And also, I thought Billy Batson had replaced Shazam and therefore received godly powers, so shouldn't he be able to at least...you know do something other than suck and lose?

And if you're going to do a story about the Marvel family, shouldn't you include the current Captain Marvel?

Oh, well, it's not terrible, but it's not that great either, especially since the middle is basically a condensed version of Captain Marvel's (current) origin, which really doesn't have much to do with the story if you think about it.

On the one hand, it looks like this story is doing its level best to bulldoze away both part of DC Countdown and Judd Winick's Trials of Shazam! miniseries, and that's a good thing. On the other hand...no, you know what, I'm totally behind this deck clearing.

All right, that review did not go well, I feel...weak, uninspired, and I know there is but one solution. I will review any book with the name "Avengers" in the title, for I am not a-feared of brand over-expansion. Let's do this:



Avengers: The Initiative #22
Written By Christos Gage
Art By Humberto Ramos

Okay, our first Avengers book is "Avengers: The Initiative" which was a book starring a bunch of C-list heroes who were training to be part of the Initiative, which was a plan to put heroes in each state, ensuring that the people of Wyoming no longer need worry about super-villain attacks on their....whatever it is that Wyoming has.

In fairness, pretty much any idea in super-hero comics sounds stupid if you think about for too long, in this case "too long" happens to be thirty seconds, it happens.

Anyway, since having four ongoing Avengers series is probably pushing it, this title seems to be winding things down so that it can be...retired.

And that term is appropriate because this issue features the evil Clone-Thor who apparently was rebuilt and is hellbent on destroying the universe, because if your hometown was suddenly anchored to Oklahoma, you'd want to bring an end to the universe too. I don't know why Marvel would think bringing back Clone-Thor is a good idea, but it looks like he's going to go fight real Thor which would make it only the seventeenth time Thor has had to fight some sort of evil or misled version of himself.

In the B-Plot, a bunch of characters no one cares about have to track down some other characters no one cares about in order to resolve a crisis that...wait for it...no one cares about. It's kind of like the Suicide Squad except in the Marvel universe, and since no one besides John Ostrander has ever written a good Suicide Squad story....

Okay, on to Round Two!



Mighty Avengers #22
Written By Dan Slott
Art By Khoi Pham

Okay, so the Mighty Avengers are now the team of Avengers who work outside the government, but aren't written by Bendis and are composed of...uh...I guess the few remaining non-X-men characters who weren't already members of one of the fifty or so team books Marvel is putting out at the moment.

Anyway, it's a pretty good book that I have no major problems with, well, as a matter of principle, any comic that utilizes any member of the Young Avengers for any reason has made a mistake somewhere along the way, especially since, you know, the team already has a guy who change size AND a robot, which kind of makes Stature and the new Vision redundant, so if you know, you need to build a villain up by having him kill a couple of Avengers....

All right, feeling a bit winded, but I can make, I can't see how-Oh, God, no!


New Avenger #50
Written By Brian Michael Bendis
Art By....a lot of people, actually


Let me tell you a story. You see, a few years ago there was a guy named Brian Michael Bendis, fresh off of a triumphant run on Daredevil and toast of the Marvel offices. Now young Bendis thought to himself, "Man, why can't the Avengers be exclusively composed of characters that I like, even if everyone else hates them...there must be some way..."

And six years later he finally has made his dream a reality, oh sure, the likes of you or I don't understand his love for characters such as Luke Cage or the first Spider-Woman, but that merely reflects the divide that separates us mere mortals from the inestimable Bendis.

By the way, the image on the cover does not reflect the contents of the issue, and the reason for that is...well, look at the cover, the Dark Avengers would kick the asses of the New Avengers in about three seconds. I mean, creating a team of street-level heroes is all well and good until you, you know, want them to fight a guy with the power of a thousand exploding suns, and then,,,,well, Luke Cage doesn't look so tough.

But I'm sure Bendis will realize that the team as presently constructed can't...what's that, the next arc has them dealing with the new Sorcerer Supreme? Well...huh...





Trinty #39
Written By Kurt Busiek
Art By Mark Bagley

Alternate Triumph, nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But seriously, next time DC decides to publish a comic about its three most iconic characters, it probably should make sure that those three characters show up for more than one panel.

But that left a bad taste in my mouth, and that means it's time for, as always a...

Retraux Revieux

Outsiders (v2) #0
Written By Mike Barr
Art By Paul Pelletier
Cover Date November 1994

This comic has taught me a lot about comics.

You see, in 1994 DC had an event called "Zero Hour" which involved time-travel and fixing continuity problems. It didn't work, but it did lead to "Zero Month," where each comic got an issue numbered "0" that was designed to be sort of an introductory piece to lure in new readers.

So basically the same thing DC is doing with those "Origins and Omens" back-up stories, but for entire issues.

Anyway, this issue had the task of setting up the new status quo for the Outsiders. In this issue, the Eradicator teams up with Halo, Vampire-Looker, and a man-bear named Wylde in order to stop an epidemic of addictive hyperguns that had infiltrated the streets of Los Angeles.

But wait, there's more, because each of these heroes must contend with deep-seated personal issues. The Eradicator is bascially the 90s anti-hero version of Superman, meaning that he flies around blowing up hopelessly outmatched criminals while sounding like some sort of terrifying emo Dirty Harry. Thrill as the Eradicator shots beams of deadly energy at teenagers! Gasp as the Eradicator blows up a helicopter for getting in his way! Marvel as the Eradicator questions the meaning of innocence in this cruel and hopeless world!

Meanwhile, Looker has been turned into a vampire, which mainly seems to make her thirst for blood and move up to a higher SPF sunblock...no, that wasn't actually a joke, as the first time the reader sees her she is sunning herself by the pool, because, goddamnit, it was the nineties and if you didn't include an impossibly-figured women in a bikini or less, well, you might as well just pulp the issue.

There's also Halo who was body-swapped somewhere along the way, and Wylde who was turned into a man-bear in order to save his life and spends most his free time bemoaning his fate and hunting for salmon...well I'm guessing on that second part.

Right, well, anyway, the Outsiders reform the team, find out that the people using the hyperguns are really just these tentacle monsters, fight them for a bit, and then accidently cause some sort of magical implosion. That brings the news media and leads to the incredible cliffhanger where it turns out that there is another team of Outsiders dedicated to bringing the first team of Outsiders to justice.

I think the second version of the Outsiders impressed me for trying to up the drama quotient by constantly adding layer upon layer of melodramatic backstory to each character. For example, the Eradicator is a Kryptonian Superweapon....who is bonded to a man....who has an estranged family....but who had an incurable illness...and became addicted to painkillers during that illness. And every character had that sort of development, so each issue would be some sort of emotional trainwreck because each character had about a dozen psychological problems.

Comic Reviews Week of 2/18/09

This week's reviews are dedicated to Rolando's a restaurant that proved that if you have a dream, anything is possible, including, unfortunately, the chance that your new business may fail dramatically. Your falafels will be missed.



Outsiders (v2) #15
Written By Peter J. Tomasi
Art By Lee Garbett

Hey, what's Nite-Owl from Watchmen doing on the cover...wait, that's Owlman?

So, remember how last week I was complaining last week about how "The Outsiders Special" had basically nothing going on in it. Well, I'm happy to report that Peter Tomasi found a way to stretch that amazing inaction into two issues!

As we last left our heroes, Alfred had assembled the new Outsiders....who were, ironically, the old Outsiders plus some asshole reporter and the Creeper. But this issue, dramatic things happen, like the Manstalker becoming the Owlman, and being a douche about it every step of the way. Also, Alfred informs the team that they'll have to give up their lives in order to fulfill Batman's dream of fighting a mysterious enemy who was behind all of the villains the original Outsiders faced. Yep, a terrifying mastermind who unleashed such horrors as "The Duke of Oil" and "The Masters of Disaster" on the world...

Anyway, the Outsiders are forced to decide whether or not they are willing to give up their lives to stop Commander Retcon, which they do, because for the most part their families are all pretty much dead anyway. Oh, there's also another scene with Owlman, who is either going to get killed really quickly to show us the real danger that the Outsiders face, or is just one hell of a misfire of a character.

So, what is the first mission for these new old Outsiders, who are finally prepared to face the villain who was apparently the impetus for the creation of the first team of Outsiders in the first place? Find out next month in "Outsiders #16: Something happens this time, we swear!"




Young X-Men #11
Written By Marc "The Mercy-Killer" Guggenheim
Art By Rafa Sandoval and Daniel Acuna

This very special penultimate issue of Young X-Men begins with everybody's favorite X-Men framing device, a dystopian future where the last few surviving mutants are hunted down by killer robots. Except instead of characters I care about, some of the survivors are fucking Young X-Men...and Wolverine because...well, you know.

Anyway, I'm sure that sequence will link up to the main story next issue, but for now we have a story about Dust dying because of something that happened a few issues back, and the only person who seems to be able to help her in Donald Pierce, a mutant-hating cyborg who's tried and often succeeded at killing her and her friends. And so he makes a deal, his freedom for saving Dust's life. I'm going to go ahead a guess that since he's being held in a holographic prison that there's a rather easy out for solving the dilemma, but who really gives a fuck?

Young X-Men took a bunch of the worst characters from New X-Men, added some other shitty new characters and ended up getting cancelled in twelve issues. I don't why the hell Marvel thought that putting a bunch of unknown characters on a book without a superstar creative team was going to do anything but fail and fail fast.

I mean, I think the problem is that Marvel knows that there's some permutation of the Young/New X-Men/Mutants concept that will be successful, and so they're willing to keep throwing the dice until they hit on it, and their next guess seems to be regrouping the survivng New Mutants who aren't otherwise occupied and giving it another go.



Squadron Supreme (v2) #8
Written By Howard Chaykin
Art By Marco Checcheto

This is a terrible, awful comic, it's just bad, and not in the Chuck Austen "Satan teleports out of hell to impregnate women so that his offspring can build a portal that will allow him to teleport out of hell" style-bad, but just painful bad.

Anyway, the gist of this series is that Ultimate Nick Fury (you know, the one that looks like Samuel L. Jackson) is trapped in the Squadron Supreme's universe because he sort of killed a bunch of people or something, I don't know, I try not to read Jeph Loeb books. Anyway, he's formed a team of heroes who are basically ripoffs of existing Marvel heroes and his main opponents are ripoffs of DC heroes, except everyone's "darker and edgier." So, instead of having Captain America, you have a zombie soldier made up of pieces of Americans who died in past wars.

The scene that most symbolizes the incoherence of the story is one where a bunch of guys are sitting in an old Cold War era underground bunker trying to figure out how to deal with Nick Fury or something when suddenly Hyperion bursts through a wall and....sits down in a chair and sets a new agenda for the meeting, which is accepted by everyone and the meeting proceeds smoothly from there.

I guess if you wondered, "Hey, what if Iron Man were dating Spider-Man, except he was a chick," this comic is probably as close as you'll get...unless the Ultimate Universe takes an odd turn.



Robin (v4) #183
Written By Fabian Nicieza
Art By Freddie Williams II

This title shows that not every deck-clearing exercise has to be shitty, as Nicieza does a good job at wrapping up a title that's been around for almost sixteen years. Sure, he leaves a couple of threads open, but, then again, it's more like a hiatus than a cancellation, as I'm pretty sure that one of the new Bat-books that will come out after they unveil the new Batman will feature the Tim Drake character pretty heavily, or will at least feature Robin in some form.

Anyway, this issue also does a good job of pointing out the reader what makes the Tim Drake character stand out from the other would-be Robins in that he's the one who got the job by dint of his intellect rather than tragic happenstance.

Now, as for the Battle for the Cowl, it's kind of gloriously stupid because there's no way in hell that it can possibly stick, unless somehow Bruce Wayne comes back in time for the crossover because, well, Bruce Wayne is Batman, and that's just how it is. If DC couldn't manage to replace Hal Jordan, I don't think this is going to last. DC might have been better off making Grant Morrison change his ending to Final Crisis rather than derail a sizable portion of their books for a couple of years.

Well, anyone remember that story-arc "Prodigal" from 1995? You know, where Dick Grayson took over as Batman for a little while? You don't, eh? Well, then this year's Batman books will all be new to you.


X-Men Kingbreaker #3 (0f 4)
Written by Chris Yost
Art by Dustin Weaver and Paco Diaz

Holy shit, Vulcan is still around? Christ, didn't we all agree he was a bad character and decided to move on for the good of everyone.

Okay, fine, who's he fighting this time?

The Starjammers and Havok....oh, and Rachel Summers....

I have a better idea...

Retraux Revieux

X-Man #23
Written By Terry "Back off, Tomorrow-Man" Kavanagh
Art By Roger Cruz and Manny Clark
Cover Date January 1997

Some might ask, so who is this X-Man, and the answer would be...well, no one really, because the main character does not call himself, nor is he referred to by that name, and that's the sort of mind-numbing carelessness that hobbled this book throughout its existence.

Anyway, the main character, Nate Grey is the son of Cyclops and Jean Grey from a dystopian future ruled by Apocalypse. Now, you're probably thinking, "Wait...isn't that Cable's origin story?" and you see, that's where you'd be wrong, because Cable was the son of Cyclops and Madelaine Pryor, a clone of Jean Grey created by Mr. Sinister for his...well...sinister purposes.

Incidentally, this book costars Maddy Pryor who is some sort of psionic ghost brought to life by Nate Grey's psychic powers.

So, anyway, the real problem with this comic was always that Nate Grey was theoretically powerful enough to end just about any fight in about three seconds, so it was kind of hard to create a situation where he was ever in real danger, eventually Warren Ellis of all people tried to leverage that liability into a hook for the character, but that's another story.

But I'm getting off-track, this story is about Nate Grey watching TV, hanging out with his pretentiously named girlfriend "Threnody" and then fighting Bishop for no real good reason. Meanwhile the ghost of Madelaine Pryor is fighting some other chick for some reason probably relating to the plot blackhole that is the Hellfire Club.

Now that doesn't sound like the most promising summary of a comic, and, unfortuantely, it's quite a bit worse than it sounds.

Comics Review Week of 2/11/09

Okay, it's time to do that thing where I complain about things that show several hundred times more writing skill than I'm capable of. But then, I'm offering my crappy opinions for free. But then again, reading what I write takes time, and time is money, so really....

Alright, fuck it, let's just do this thing.



Batman #686
Written by Neil Gaiman
Art by Andy Kubert


You know, this is the sort of comic that reads like less than the sum of its parts. I blame a lot of that on the fact that "Whatever Happened to the Caped Crusader?" is rather ill-conceived. Obviously this story is supposed to be the Batman version of Alan Moore's "Whatever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow?" which everyone liked, but it fails for two reasons, one thematic, one practical.

The thematic reason is that Moore's story wrapped up the existing continuity and gave the Silver/Bronze Age Superman the sort of send-off that can only be done when the continuity is about to be rebooted. On the other hand, this story doesn't really give any sort of closure because the characters are not the same ones everyone's been reading for the last forty years. This isn't the story of the last days of Batman, it's the story of the last days of a Batman, and that's a problem.

Of course, the reason this is basically an Elseworlds story is because, well, you know, Batman isn't dead, and I'd put money on him coming back...well, DC has that Blackest Night crossover coming out this summer, so I want to say Summer 2010, and there's been no mention of a reboot...so Gaiman is stuck writing an "end of an era" story for what is basically just a lengthy interregnum.

So, you have a story that is really well-written and features nice art, but has nothing to do with anything.

I have the feeling that something is going to happen in the second half of this story to make me look like a complete idiot. Oh, well.




Thor #600
Written by J. Michael Straczynski and others
Art by Oliver Copiel, Marko Djurddjevic and some more others

Okay, the gist of the main story is that Loki tricks Thor into doing something that will get him banished from Asgard and he, bowing to the rule of law as royalty, especially those from ancient warrior-based cultures are wont to do, accepts his banishment for the sake of the greater good of Asgard. Incidentally, if you liked this story, you should check out Thor #432, which features almost exactly the same thematic construction, if a slightly different outcome.

But the real problem I have is that it does beg the question: Why the fuck are warrior Vikings so god-damn hung up on "laws" all of a sudden? And why does Balder have the authority to banish Thor, I mean, isn't Thor king? And why would anyone ever trust Loki ever?

Still, you get to Thor and his most Thor-iest, and I know a lot of people like that sort of thing, so I guess it's a success from that point of view.


Batman and the Outsiders Special #1
Written by Peter "This time'll be different" Tomasi
Art by Adam "My brother works with Neil Gaiman and I get this?" Kubert


It would take a team of scientists years to figure out why the Outsiders keep coming back. The first iteration was the strongest, because you have Batman and a bunch of characters that were at least serviceable, but it also had villains like "The Duke of Oil," a robotic oil baron, "The Nuclear Family" a team of super-powered robots created to replace a disgruntled scientists dead family, and "The Force of July" which was a government funded supergroup that apparently used American tax dollars to send an eight-year into battle.

And that was the best version. The early nineties brought a new version of the Outsiders that included a half-man half-bear called Wylde, a guy called Technomancer who did his level-best to come as close to being Iron Man without getting DC sued, and, of course, The Eradicator...that's right, the one from the Death of Superman story.

Then there was Judd Winick's version, which, in addition to being written by Judd Winick, which is pretty bad in and of itself, also included a two-issue arc guest starring John Walsh, the guy from America's Most Wanted.

Most recently, there was the aborted Batman and the Outsiders, which featured a complete overhaul of the cast only two issues in, and went downhill from there.

But, it looks like DC is taking another crack at it, including the amazing debut of Manstalker, a character so manifestly terrible in every possible way that he must be seen to be believed. I mean, he looks like a tool, talks like a tool, has a name that sounds about as unheroic as you can get. But that's not the best part, apparently he is a television personality who films himself doing acts of vigilantism and gets information on crimes by bribing FBI agents...and he's supposed to be a good guy.

Beyond that, Alfred (yes, that Alfred) travels around the world gathering together the original Outsiders so they can...well, they'll get to that next month.



New Warriors #20
Written by Kevin Grievoux
Art by Reilly Brown and Casey Jones

In counterpoint to my last review, this is the final issue of the umpteenth revival of a marginal superhero team.

Now, there are some out there who like the New Warriors, I would guess, seeing as they keep trying to relaunch the brand, but for the same reason as the Outsiders, namely shitty premise and characters, it just doesn't seem like a winning strategy.

Anyway, the gimmick of these New Warriors was that they were basically a group of superheroes who resisted the Superhero Registration Act by illegally doing superheroic things and naming themselves after the incompetent clods who managed to get hundreds of small children killed.

Of course, then Secret Invasion happened, and Civil War became yesterday's news...so I guess I'm not clear how this volume of New Warriors could have survived any longer than it did. Well, maybe if it had good characters, but God knows that this book had no character that anyone ever cared about ever, which makes the fact that it lasted twenty issues all the more amazing. I mean, who would have thought that a team lead by Night Thrasher's illegitimate half-brother could possibly get into the double digits? I wouldn't have bet on it.

So this last arc had the team traveling to future in order to fight the original Night Thrasher who had, in the intervening years, become Iron Man...somehow. Anyway, Iron Thrasher turned out to be an evil tyrant that only the New Warriors could stop from...continuing to be evil in a timeline that will never be referenced again.

And then the team breaks up, because the book's cancelled and Marvel would prefer not mentioning anything involving these stories again, especially if one of these characters is needed in a real story.




Angel - After the Fall #17
Written by Joss Whedon and Brian Lynch
Art by Franco Urru

Now you listen up and you listen good, Goddamnit. It will be a cold, mother-fucking day in mother-fucking hell before I review anything, ANYTHING in the Whedonverse. Verstanden?

Huh...well, I guess I have a bit of space left over, so it's time for a....

Retraux Revieux

Okay, so let's so what we've got in the old....no...not that...it's...it's....


Sovereign Seven #20
Cover Date March 1997
Written by Chris "It's Not As If We Haven't Done This a Score of Times Already!" Claremont
Art by Vince Giarrano and Dave Cockrum(?)

Okay...okay...

-sigh-

Chris Claremont wrote the X-Men for, well, forever, from right after they were relaunched in the mid-70s all the way to the Jim Lee era in the early 90s, it was the Golden Age for the X-Men and Chris Claremont has to get a ton of the credit, not only for the flagship book, but also starting The New Mutants and Excalibur, and effectively creating the character of Wolverine that have made Marvel millions over the last twenty-five years.

Still, I think we'd all have been happier if he'd retired in 1992.

Sovereign Seven was a book about seven heroes from different planets who were all royalty, hence the title. They banded together to fight against some nebulous evil that had taken over their homeworlds, and forcing them to take refuge on Bloodgate, a savage world on the edge of civilization where techno-pirates rule the sky and the dreaded Cardinal Andronicus keeps the peace with his legion of robo-templars.

Okay, that last part isn't true, actually the titular seven sovereigns end up on earth and spend most of their time at a coffee bar called "Crossroads" and angst...a lot. The characters included" Big Speedster-Man, Telepathy Lass, Mysterious Girl, Ethnic Lad, and of course Androgyny (Wo)Man.

Anyway, in this issue, the sovereigns have to fight two separate threats, a forest fire and an all-star team of European mercenaries who will stop at nothing to break their teammate out of...

...a county jail. Also, their commander apparently forbids them from firing their weapons. So, these guys aren't exactly Hans Gruber in terms of scope or lethality, especially since it quickly becomes clear that the mercenaries have literally no way of actually harming the Sovereigns.

Meanwhile Finale, the chick on the cover, manages to kill the forest fire with a sword...somehow, because, as she puts, "It was my enemy, and now it is no more."

And with that the sovereigns head back to their coffee house/headquarters secure in the knowledge that by putting out the forest fire they had inadvertently started the prior issue and letting the mercenaries get away with their friend, the world is only a marginally worse place with them in it.

Well, that was horrible, let's not-

Wait, there's a back-up story. Mother-fucker.

Okay, in this back-up story, Claremont decides to prove to the readers what a bitchin' character "Cascade" is by having her hang out with Clark Kent, and him liking her. Therefore, according to Claremontian logic, to dislike Cascade means that Superman is a liar, and you're not calling Superman a liar, are you? All right, then.

It occurs to me that I haven't railed on Claremont for his...way with words, but suffice to say, you're not apt to find a comic with less natural language.

Comics Review: Week of 2/4/09

Alright, let's get this trainwreck a-rolling!


Secret Warriors #1
Written By Brian Michael Bendis and Jonathan Hickman
Art By Stefan Casseli

This is a pretty good book. I mean, it creates new characters, sets up the scene, and finally moves Nick Fury past the "Vaguely lurking around at the edge of continuity dropping ominous bits of foreshadowing" that he'd been stuck in for a while. There are a couple of weird things, like Nick Fury is an asshole to the president for no really good reason, especially since he knows the president isn't involved with HYDRA and seems relatively genial to a guy who snuck into his office and began demanding answers, but I suppose that's really more a matter of taste more than anything else.

Of course, how I'm supposed to believe Nick Fury is a super-spy capable of stopping HYDRA when he's apparently been unwittingly working for them for a while is another matter. "Okay, guys, HYDRA has apparently been duping me for decades, but I feel pretty confident that with my rag-tag team of caterpillars, we're going make a difference!"



Secret Six #6
Written by Gail Simone
Art by Nicola Scott

Again, I didn't dislike this comic. Which puts me in a quandry....

Anyway, there are two things that detracted from this otherwise good comic, one of which is pretty subjective, and the other not the fault of the writer anyway.

Okay, the first thing is Junior's origin....yeah..,remember when Dan Didio said that DC trying to bring lighter, sunnier stories...well, it's not working.

The real problem is that apparently Deadshot is being written out because he was kind of killed off a few months ago in Kevin Smith's Batman miniseries starring the villain that no one ever cared about, and he was working alone at the time....But hell, in five years when that miniseries is over, and we've all seen the thrilling final battle between Batman and Onomatopeia, I have no doubt it will all have been worth it.


Cable #11
Written by Duane Swierczynski
Art by Ariel Olivetti and Jamie McKelvie

You know, ten years ago if someone had walked up to me and told me that in the future Cable would include scenes where instead of using his absurdly big gun to kill cockroach men, he decided to run away and recite the opening stanzas to "Rime of the Ancient Mariner"....well, it would have been quite surprising.

That said, I do like the fact that Bishop's plan to kill the little mutant girl is to systematically set in motion events that will destroy large sections of the world. Oh sure, it doesn't make sense that a guy with enough resources to pull off that plan couldn't come up with anything a bit more nuanced, but, hey, at least he's creative.


The Mighty #1
Written by Peter Tomasi and Keith Champagne
Art by Peter Snejbjerg

Okay, so someone murdered the captain of Section Omega. Section Omega being the independent police force created to assist Alpha One, who's the world's only super-hero. Can Gabriel Cole, newly installed leader of Section Omega find the presumably highly disillusioning truth about his predecssor's murder? How many issues will it take to find out Alpha One's feet are made of super-clay? Will he be able to save his relationship with his girlfriend when it goes through a crisis in a couple of issues? Find out in the next exciting issue of The Mighty!



Final Crisis - Legion of Three Worlds #3
Written by Geoff "Fuck You Legion fans under 25" Johns
Art by George Perez

I'd like to think I'm a reasonable man, but even reasonable men have their limits....

Here's the thing, the Levitz Legion was pretty good, but it wasn't great. To use a baseball metaphor, it was the Mark Grace of comics, consistently good, skilled at all the little things, but not a Hall of Famer. So, starting off, I'm dubious about the point of this enterprise.

But it gets worse.

In order to cement the status of the Levitz Legion as the one, true Legion of Superheroes, Johns has to carefully remove the other two Legions from continuity, carefully clipping away at any loose strands so we know that neither the Reboot nor Threeboot Legions are connected to the mainstream DC Universe. As a guy who grew up reading the Reboot Legion, it's not exactly the most pleasant read. For example, XS was a character in the Reboot Legion, but was also related to characters who are in the main continuity, and so Johns response is to make it clear that, in fact, she's not from the same universe as the Reboot Legion after all! Hooray!

About five years ago, Johns helped write the special that consigned the DnA Legion to limbo...literally. I remember thinking, "Wait, the Legion just sacrificed themselves to save the Emo Titans so that Superboy could go back to whining about not having a soul...mother-fucker!" But the Reboot Legion is back! Of course they're only back so that Geoff Johns can ensure that they never escape from the darkest depths of comics purgatory again, but, well, I suppose it's kind of nice to see them.

Oh, and the villain is Superman(boy)-Prime, which is fucking spectacular.

Also, Kid Flash is back, which is great, because the DC Universe only had three characters who hold the title of Flash, and if they lost one, and then another one, they'd only have one Flash left!

But if you're a fan of any of the last twenty years of Legion comics, I'd read this issue, because, well, you're not apt to see Gates again anytime soon.

Comic Reviews Week of 1/28

Okay, here's a new format because...well, basically I'm a lazy, lazy man. Here's my take on comics I read over the past week. (Note: Reviews may be neither insightful nor well-written, reader discretion is advised.)

She-Hulk #37 (4th Series)
Written by Peter David
Art by Steve Scott

Listen, She-Hulk at its core isn't really a strong enough concept to sustain an ongoing series. I mean, the character doesn't have interesting powers, and the whole superhero lawyer thing can only take you so far. I think Slott made it work about as well as it possibly could, but then he left, and Peter David felt the need to make his mark by junking the supporting cast and making Jen a bounty hunter....and it didn't work.

So, She-Hulk has been cancelled, but she's going out with a climatic clash against one of her most deadly foes...unfortunately, that foe is Man-Elephant.

I did like the art.


Incredible Hercules #125
Written by Greg Pak & Fred Van Lente
Art by Salva Espin & Clayton Henry

You know, I like this book, and I'm not sure why. I mean, the whole 'reality has been altered and only our heroes can change it back' has been done before; let's be honest, they could have called this story 'House of XX' because that's what it is.

On the other hand, it's well-paced, the dialogue is well written, and the characters all seem well-defined in both iterations of reality. In fairness, I also like Cable & Deadpool too, so I may just be a sucker for buddy superhero comics.

Justice Society of America #23
Written by Geoff Johns
Art by Jerry Ordway

Once upon a time there was this comic called JSA, and it was a rocking comic about Golden Age superheroes and their successors, and it was fun, and it was interesting, and while it did introduce a few new characters, it primarily made good use of characters already in continuity.

But that was a long time ago,

Justice Sociery of America has told about two stories in two and half years. The first story was the team coming together to fight Nazis...who apparently are still pretty steamed fifty years later that America stopped the Third Reich, and attempted to take revenge on the JSA. Of course in the grand tradition of villainous vendettas, they only killed a character no one had ever heard of, a few assorted civilians, and managed to make a couple new heroes in the process.

The second story was an unimaginably long tale about the Kingdom Come universe, you know, the one with the old Superman and the Alex Ross art? Right, well, apparently old Superman shows up on Earth-Regular (or whatever it's called at the moment) and proceeds to team up with the JSA as they stand around dumbfounded for a year's worth of issues about whether a guy who proclaims himself to be a god and demands worship is up to no good (spoiler: he is).

But now it's time for Geoff Johns swan song, wherein I am sure he will come up with a suitably dramatic story that will....Black Adam? Again? Seriously?

Fuck.

Titans #9
Written by Judd Winick
Art by Howard Porter and J. Caliafore

Wow, with the all-star writing team of Winick and Porter, I can't imagine how this comic can go wrong.

Anyway, this issue boldy continues Judd Winick's proud tradition of stealing Titans stories from the past and updating them with crappy dialogue and art. In this thrilling new version of Titans Hunt (which wasn't even a good story in the hands of Marv Wolfman), Jericho has come under the control of all of the people he has possessed over the years, because apparently that's how his power has always worked.

Great.

There's not a lot of action in this issue, which is to say that the entire issue consists of the team waiting around and Jericho telling Nightwing his new and updated origin story. Why won't this comic die?


War Machine #2
Written by Greg "Rhodey don't bleed" Pak
Art by Leonardo Manco

First of all, I don't how this ever seemed like a good idea. I mean, at least the Titans were at one time the most successful franchise DC had, whereas at his best War Machine was a knock off of Marvel's...say about fifth most popular hero. And it's not like the first series was even that good anyway.

If there ever was a Marvel character that summed up the problems of the mid-90s, it was War Machine, he was basically a darker and edgier Iron Man with a metric fuckton of guns and that was basically it. Of course, things have changed since then, and now War Machine is a cyborg with the ability to graft himself onto whatever machinery happens to be laying around, which in this issue leads to War Machine turning himself into a tank.

So, if you're under the age of sixteen and have never experienced the joys of Dark Age comics, with implausible amounts of weaponry, nonsensical plots and crappy art, all War Machine needs is a scantily-clad female character with patently impossible anatomy and we'd be there. Of course there's always next month....