Outsiders (v2) #15
Written By Peter J. Tomasi
Art By Lee Garbett
Hey, what's Nite-Owl from Watchmen doing on the cover...wait, that's Owlman?
So, remember how last week I was complaining last week about how "The Outsiders Special" had basically nothing going on in it. Well, I'm happy to report that Peter Tomasi found a way to stretch that amazing inaction into two issues!
As we last left our heroes, Alfred had assembled the new Outsiders....who were, ironically, the old Outsiders plus some asshole reporter and the Creeper. But this issue, dramatic things happen, like the Manstalker becoming the Owlman, and being a douche about it every step of the way. Also, Alfred informs the team that they'll have to give up their lives in order to fulfill Batman's dream of fighting a mysterious enemy who was behind all of the villains the original Outsiders faced. Yep, a terrifying mastermind who unleashed such horrors as "The Duke of Oil" and "The Masters of Disaster" on the world...
Anyway, the Outsiders are forced to decide whether or not they are willing to give up their lives to stop Commander Retcon, which they do, because for the most part their families are all pretty much dead anyway. Oh, there's also another scene with Owlman, who is either going to get killed really quickly to show us the real danger that the Outsiders face, or is just one hell of a misfire of a character.
So, what is the first mission for these new old Outsiders, who are finally prepared to face the villain who was apparently the impetus for the creation of the first team of Outsiders in the first place? Find out next month in "Outsiders #16: Something happens this time, we swear!"
Young X-Men #11
Written By Marc "The Mercy-Killer" Guggenheim
Art By Rafa Sandoval and Daniel Acuna
This very special penultimate issue of Young X-Men begins with everybody's favorite X-Men framing device, a dystopian future where the last few surviving mutants are hunted down by killer robots. Except instead of characters I care about, some of the survivors are fucking Young X-Men...and Wolverine because...well, you know.
Anyway, I'm sure that sequence will link up to the main story next issue, but for now we have a story about Dust dying because of something that happened a few issues back, and the only person who seems to be able to help her in Donald Pierce, a mutant-hating cyborg who's tried and often succeeded at killing her and her friends. And so he makes a deal, his freedom for saving Dust's life. I'm going to go ahead a guess that since he's being held in a holographic prison that there's a rather easy out for solving the dilemma, but who really gives a fuck?
Young X-Men took a bunch of the worst characters from New X-Men, added some other shitty new characters and ended up getting cancelled in twelve issues. I don't why the hell Marvel thought that putting a bunch of unknown characters on a book without a superstar creative team was going to do anything but fail and fail fast.
I mean, I think the problem is that Marvel knows that there's some permutation of the Young/New X-Men/Mutants concept that will be successful, and so they're willing to keep throwing the dice until they hit on it, and their next guess seems to be regrouping the survivng New Mutants who aren't otherwise occupied and giving it another go.
Squadron Supreme (v2) #8
Written By Howard Chaykin
Art By Marco Checcheto
This is a terrible, awful comic, it's just bad, and not in the Chuck Austen "Satan teleports out of hell to impregnate women so that his offspring can build a portal that will allow him to teleport out of hell" style-bad, but just painful bad.
Anyway, the gist of this series is that Ultimate Nick Fury (you know, the one that looks like Samuel L. Jackson) is trapped in the Squadron Supreme's universe because he sort of killed a bunch of people or something, I don't know, I try not to read Jeph Loeb books. Anyway, he's formed a team of heroes who are basically ripoffs of existing Marvel heroes and his main opponents are ripoffs of DC heroes, except everyone's "darker and edgier." So, instead of having Captain America, you have a zombie soldier made up of pieces of Americans who died in past wars.
The scene that most symbolizes the incoherence of the story is one where a bunch of guys are sitting in an old Cold War era underground bunker trying to figure out how to deal with Nick Fury or something when suddenly Hyperion bursts through a wall and....sits down in a chair and sets a new agenda for the meeting, which is accepted by everyone and the meeting proceeds smoothly from there.
I guess if you wondered, "Hey, what if Iron Man were dating Spider-Man, except he was a chick," this comic is probably as close as you'll get...unless the Ultimate Universe takes an odd turn.
Robin (v4) #183
Written By Fabian Nicieza
Art By Freddie Williams II
This title shows that not every deck-clearing exercise has to be shitty, as Nicieza does a good job at wrapping up a title that's been around for almost sixteen years. Sure, he leaves a couple of threads open, but, then again, it's more like a hiatus than a cancellation, as I'm pretty sure that one of the new Bat-books that will come out after they unveil the new Batman will feature the Tim Drake character pretty heavily, or will at least feature Robin in some form.
Anyway, this issue also does a good job of pointing out the reader what makes the Tim Drake character stand out from the other would-be Robins in that he's the one who got the job by dint of his intellect rather than tragic happenstance.
Now, as for the Battle for the Cowl, it's kind of gloriously stupid because there's no way in hell that it can possibly stick, unless somehow Bruce Wayne comes back in time for the crossover because, well, Bruce Wayne is Batman, and that's just how it is. If DC couldn't manage to replace Hal Jordan, I don't think this is going to last. DC might have been better off making Grant Morrison change his ending to Final Crisis rather than derail a sizable portion of their books for a couple of years.
Well, anyone remember that story-arc "Prodigal" from 1995? You know, where Dick Grayson took over as Batman for a little while? You don't, eh? Well, then this year's Batman books will all be new to you.
X-Men Kingbreaker #3 (0f 4)
Written by Chris Yost
Art by Dustin Weaver and Paco Diaz
Holy shit, Vulcan is still around? Christ, didn't we all agree he was a bad character and decided to move on for the good of everyone.
Okay, fine, who's he fighting this time?
The Starjammers and Havok....oh, and Rachel Summers....
I have a better idea...
Retraux Revieux
X-Man #23
Written By Terry "Back off, Tomorrow-Man" Kavanagh
Art By Roger Cruz and Manny Clark
Cover Date January 1997
Some might ask, so who is this X-Man, and the answer would be...well, no one really, because the main character does not call himself, nor is he referred to by that name, and that's the sort of mind-numbing carelessness that hobbled this book throughout its existence.
Anyway, the main character, Nate Grey is the son of Cyclops and Jean Grey from a dystopian future ruled by Apocalypse. Now, you're probably thinking, "Wait...isn't that Cable's origin story?" and you see, that's where you'd be wrong, because Cable was the son of Cyclops and Madelaine Pryor, a clone of Jean Grey created by Mr. Sinister for his...well...sinister purposes.
Incidentally, this book costars Maddy Pryor who is some sort of psionic ghost brought to life by Nate Grey's psychic powers.
So, anyway, the real problem with this comic was always that Nate Grey was theoretically powerful enough to end just about any fight in about three seconds, so it was kind of hard to create a situation where he was ever in real danger, eventually Warren Ellis of all people tried to leverage that liability into a hook for the character, but that's another story.
But I'm getting off-track, this story is about Nate Grey watching TV, hanging out with his pretentiously named girlfriend "Threnody" and then fighting Bishop for no real good reason. Meanwhile the ghost of Madelaine Pryor is fighting some other chick for some reason probably relating to the plot blackhole that is the Hellfire Club.
Now that doesn't sound like the most promising summary of a comic, and, unfortuantely, it's quite a bit worse than it sounds.
Written By Terry "Back off, Tomorrow-Man" Kavanagh
Art By Roger Cruz and Manny Clark
Cover Date January 1997
Some might ask, so who is this X-Man, and the answer would be...well, no one really, because the main character does not call himself, nor is he referred to by that name, and that's the sort of mind-numbing carelessness that hobbled this book throughout its existence.
Anyway, the main character, Nate Grey is the son of Cyclops and Jean Grey from a dystopian future ruled by Apocalypse. Now, you're probably thinking, "Wait...isn't that Cable's origin story?" and you see, that's where you'd be wrong, because Cable was the son of Cyclops and Madelaine Pryor, a clone of Jean Grey created by Mr. Sinister for his...well...sinister purposes.
Incidentally, this book costars Maddy Pryor who is some sort of psionic ghost brought to life by Nate Grey's psychic powers.
So, anyway, the real problem with this comic was always that Nate Grey was theoretically powerful enough to end just about any fight in about three seconds, so it was kind of hard to create a situation where he was ever in real danger, eventually Warren Ellis of all people tried to leverage that liability into a hook for the character, but that's another story.
But I'm getting off-track, this story is about Nate Grey watching TV, hanging out with his pretentiously named girlfriend "Threnody" and then fighting Bishop for no real good reason. Meanwhile the ghost of Madelaine Pryor is fighting some other chick for some reason probably relating to the plot blackhole that is the Hellfire Club.
Now that doesn't sound like the most promising summary of a comic, and, unfortuantely, it's quite a bit worse than it sounds.
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