Whatever, let's do this:
Green Lantern Corps #35
Written By Peter Tomasi
Art By Patrick Gleason
Boy, I think I'm at the point where I don't really care about Blackest Night anymore, if only because I feel like they've been building it up for too long. Well, that and the fact that one of the key villains will be an undead evil Aquaman, and that's just a mind-numbing prospect.
Anyway, there are three story threads in this issue, in the one, there's a prison break on Oa, which is fine enough, although it's not really that interesting in all honesty. In the second, you have Sodam Yat and Arisia, two characters that no one cares about going to Daxam to save the planet from the evil Yellow Lanterns, and in third you have those two red-skinned chicks, whose names I can't remember, heading to Sinestro's home planet and more importantly, Sinestro himself.
I think the problem with this book is that I really don't care about the characters, and it almost feels like they took a bunch of material that might work well as a back-up strip or in an annual or something, and then tried to make a comic out of it on its own.
Amazing Spider-Man #591
Written By Dan Slott
Art By Barry Kitson
Oh, it's a fine story, but I don't think any one cares about the plight of the macroverse and the crazy time dilation that allows various sub-plots to move forward. Which is a shame, because it's not bad, it's just, you know, Dan Slott felt compelled to dig up the whole "unfortunate series of events that led to Brand New Day," and that wasn't very smart.
Okay, so first of all, Slott basically copied the mechanics of this whole mind-wipe thing directly from the lesser part of Geoff John's run on the Flash. And it wasn't a particularly good idea there.
Second, Mephisto has to be about the nicest version of the devil ever. I mean, if I recall correctly, he traded Aunt May's life, magical protection for Spider-Man's secret identity, Harry Osborn's resurrection for, if Joe Quesada is to be taken at his word, what amounts to a legal formality. And he's free to reveal his true identity to his allies? I mean, are we sure Mephisto's really evil? Because that's one hell of a deal.
Uncanny X-Men #508
Written By Matt Fraction
Art By Greg Land
Man, when you put all of those X-Villains in the same scene, you realize that the X-Men don't have a lot of good enemies.
Anyway, this issue makes the bold decision to continue this title's descent into the quaqmire that was 1990s X-Men continuity. The upshot is that Psylocke gets mind-swapped into Kwannon's body. Okay, that's probably a bit unclear, but it essentially reverses a story that no one really cared about from about twenty years ago or so. I....choose to reserve judgment on this storyline until I see where it's going.
Also, Northstar is recruited onto the team. The last writer of Uncanny X-Men who thought that that was a good idea was Chuck Austen. Oh, it probably means nothing, but anytime the incumbent writer either references or repeats an idea that ol' Chuck had, you kind fear for the book's future.
X-Men: Legacy #223
Written By Mike Carey
Art By Scot Eaton
Wait, wait, wait, wait...Marvel's putting out two core X-books in one week and they both require an understanding of back issues from 1990 in order to make any sense? That is a bold marketing strategy, right there.
That said, I would fully support the lead mercenary getting his own spin-off because "In my defense, let me remind you it was all done in the pursuit of profit," may be the finest line in any comic at any time.
And now, a very special Retraux Revieux, part one of my series on "When Retcons Go Bad!"
Legion of Super-heroes (v4) #31
Written By Keith Giffen and Tom and Mary Bierbaum
Art By Colleen Doran and Curt "Are you shitting me" Swan
Cover Date July 1992
Through the magic of parallel worlds and retcons, DC has manuevered itself into a position where pretty much all of the Legion stories count somehow....except for the Keith Giffen "Five Years Later" run, because....well, sometimes dead is better.
Case in point, this is an issue where we learn that not only has Shavaughn Erin, a longtime supporting cast member, had an almost pathological obssession with Element Lad since the latter was twelve, but also that she is really a man who has been taking gender-changing drugs in order to appear female, and that she did that because she thought he was straight....which it turns out he wasn't. Yeah, it's kind of bizarre.
Anyway, she goes into withdrawl because the her current circumstances have cut off the supply, but Element Lad is there to comfort her and comment on how he loves her no matter what sex she is. (Remember lads, "gender" refers to mind and "sex" refers to body, I remember because it came up in AP Psychology).
However, the newly-renamed Sean Erin decides that he has to make it on his own, and so sets out into the city, pausing only briefly to help the young Element Lad in his moment of crisis.
Oh, yes, there are two Element Lads in this story. You see, someone thought that the best way to counter the dystopian nature of the Keith Giffen Legion was to introduce a second team of Legionaires made up of the Legion from the early 1970s. It was a very bad idea because it made an already dense and hard-to-follow storyline even more incomprehensible, although it did give Keith Giffen a chance to kill Karate Kid off a second time.
One could make the argument that this is one of the earliest mainstream comics about trans-gendered characters, but one would be quite wrong. As is made clear in the closing text piece (which this version of the Legion had a fuckton of) Shavaughn Erin first became a woman in order to win Element Lad's heart, and I'm pretty sure that's not exactly a fair description of transgendered issues.
Now I've heard a couple of different stories about why Giffen wrote this story. One was that he wanted to kill Erin off because and was persuaded not to by someone blurting out "She's really a man" in a desparate attempt to save the character.
The other theory was that a lot of gay Legion fans identified with Element Lad, and that this story could square his relationship with Shavaughn Erin with the desires of the fan base. Given that a lot of the things the Bierbaums did followed that sort of thinking, that could be true as well.
My real question is how the hell they got Curt Swan to draw this. I mean, this isn't exactly the issue I'd come out of retirement for.
Anyway, the lesson to be learned here is that you shouldn't make retcons for the sake of retcons.
Also, make sure you know the sexual orientation of your crush before you take sex-changing drugs in order to seduce him....it's not a lesson that easily applicable now, but future technology will someday make it an important thing to keep in mind. I guarantee it.
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