Flash - Rebirth #1 (of 6)Written By Geoff "Party like it's 1985" Johns
Art By Ivan Reis
Well, Barry Allen's back, because he's the one, true Flash. Now, when I look back to my childhood, I remember....actually since Barry Allen was killed off over a year before I was born, I kind of mainly think of him as that guy who Wally West aspired to be more like.
You know what, fuck it. There's a reason that comics sales are falling and it's hard as hell to attack new readers, and it's writers like Geoff Johns who apparently see it as their mission to bring back the 'iconic' versions of characters, with 'iconic' being code for 'what the comic was like when I was ten'.
When I think of the Flash, I don't think of Barry Allen, and neither do the majority of comics readers under thirty because he died before any of us got into comics. For that matter, Johns is also the guy who broke Wally West by saddling him with two kids right before the last time he stopped writing the Flash, leaving behind a status quo so toxic that even Mark Waid couldn't save it.
But enough complaining about the situation that led to this comic, because I mean, Geoff Johns wrote so damn fine comics during the early part of his run on the Flash, so maybe he can recapture the magic. So, how is this issue?
Well, it's not good, but a lot of that may be due to Johns feeling it necessary to tell how fucking rad Barry Allen is, and it gets old. Also, Johns feels it's necessary to remind us that Barry Allen is a COP! Which kind of points to the problem with Barry Allen, in that he never had much of a personality and his run as the Flash consisted mainly of some of the most Silver Age-iest of Silver Age comics and the monumentally long and painful Trial of the Flash. But, hell, someone has to be the Flash, I suppose.
Okay, let's move on.
Justice Society of America (v2) #25
Written By Geoff Johns
Art By Jerry Ordway
Man, I know that on an intellectual level I should care about Captain Marvel and Shazam and all that jazz, but I really don't.
Anyway, I believe this issue of JSA wraps up Geoff Johns' run, and I guess this is an okay issue, in that I think everyone was getting tired of evil Mary Marvel. Johns also does a nice job of tying everything up, and restoring some focus to the characters that made everyone like his version of the JSA in the first place. I think the problem with this volume of JSA has been that they kept bringing in new characters that took over the comic, and most of the new characters either sucked, had little to do with the JSA, or both. (I'm looking at you, Gog)
And the next permanent writer of the JSA is...Bill Willingham, whose last work in the DC universe was DC Decisions, and was last heard railing against 'superhero decadence.' On the plus side, I have the feeling that if you liked Atlas Shrugged, you're going to love the new direction of JSA.
Amazing Spider-Man #590
Written By Dan "One More Day One More Time" Slott
Art By Barry Kitson
First off, let me say that any book with Barry Kitson art can't be all bad, but this comic proves that it can get pretty fucking close.
Here's the thing, I don't think the people at Marvel quite understand the bargain that Spider-man readers made in order to embrace the whole "Brand New Day" status quo. The deal, which is ironically Faustian in and of itself, is that we buy and enjoy the rejuvenated Spider-Man titles and in exchange, Marvel agrees to never remind us how they came to be. It worked for the Clone Saga, and it should have worked for One More Day.
But no, Dan Slott couldn't abide by that, and instead had to write a story that forces readers to remember one of the worst storylines in comics history and consider how little sense it ultimately makes. So, the Fantastic Four can't remember who Spider-man is, but can remember that they knew, and that means that at some point they're going to have to discuss how this all happened, and that means explaining the Spider-man made a deal with the devil, in a stupidly literal sense, in order to save his Aunt.
It's not a bad story except for the fact that Slott feels the need not so much to play with fire, as to find a pile of ashes almost totally extinguished, get the fire going again, and then douse a nearby forest with gasoline in order to provide kindling.
Secret Warriors #3
Written By Brian Michael Bendis and Jonathan Hickman
Art By Stefano Casseli
You know, this is probably nitpicking, but if SHIELD has always been run by HYDRA and Nick Fury, despite being in charge of SHIELD for decades, couldn't figure that one out, wouldn't you think that he'd be the last guy you'd want trying to stop them?
Anyway, beyond that, it's a fine comic book, I suppose, although my rating scale only goes from 'bad' to 'not that bad' because someone has to balance out Newsarama, and it might as well be me.
The New Mutants Saga
Written By John Rhett Thomas and Sheila Johnson
Hey Marvel, if the promotional recap comic you're publishing only covers comics from 1983-1990, shouldn't that set off some warning bells, you know, that you might be a little late to capitalize of the popularity of Rob Liefeld's creations, let alone Chris Claremont's?
Then again, the 90s were rough on all comics fans, and, for the most part, are best off not being remembered. To prove that point, I am forced to bring forth the latest
Retraux Revieux
Justice League America #108
Written By Gerard "Show Daddy He Didn't Father a Pushover" Jones
Art By Chuck Wotjkiewicz
Cover Date February 1996
Okay, this one's going to be a bit tricky to explain. You see that guy with the skull on the cover? His name's Scarabus, and he magically....also immaculately....impregnated Power Girl, as was part of some Atlantean prophecy. (At the time, Power Girl couldn't be from Krypton, so DC decided that she was from Atlantis...they've since rethought that decision.) Anyway, so Power Girl gave birth to Equinox, who then aged to adulthood but quick. For whatever reason, he a Scarabus are fated to fight, presumably to the death, in order to determine the fate of the world. Which they do, and, as you might guess, Equinox wins and then takes his reward of literally fading into oblivion...which is probably for the best. In a subplot, Obsidian (the Golden Age Green Lantern's son) goes out on a date, which is only interesting because he was straight then, but is gay now, meaning that it may be possible that every aspect of this issue has been removed from continuity.
You see, the in the 90s, no one at DC knew what to do with Power Girl...or the Justice League...or much of anything, and quality suffered a bit. The real star of this issue is Equinox, who is probably supposed to come off as kind of spiritual warrior who has insights into the deep truths of the universe, but instead comes off as impossibly pretentious with quotes like "There is nothing...but nothing. There is nothing...but everything." and "The time is coming when we should all be...awake."
It's a really bad comic that I don't encourage you to read, not even for the inclusion of the finest supporting character of all time: The Yazz, a blue, streetwise pterodactyl who come from Yazzburg and wears an orange vest for some unknowable reason. Yes, he really existed.
Written By Gerard "Show Daddy He Didn't Father a Pushover" Jones
Art By Chuck Wotjkiewicz
Cover Date February 1996
Okay, this one's going to be a bit tricky to explain. You see that guy with the skull on the cover? His name's Scarabus, and he magically....also immaculately....impregnated Power Girl, as was part of some Atlantean prophecy. (At the time, Power Girl couldn't be from Krypton, so DC decided that she was from Atlantis...they've since rethought that decision.) Anyway, so Power Girl gave birth to Equinox, who then aged to adulthood but quick. For whatever reason, he a Scarabus are fated to fight, presumably to the death, in order to determine the fate of the world. Which they do, and, as you might guess, Equinox wins and then takes his reward of literally fading into oblivion...which is probably for the best. In a subplot, Obsidian (the Golden Age Green Lantern's son) goes out on a date, which is only interesting because he was straight then, but is gay now, meaning that it may be possible that every aspect of this issue has been removed from continuity.
You see, the in the 90s, no one at DC knew what to do with Power Girl...or the Justice League...or much of anything, and quality suffered a bit. The real star of this issue is Equinox, who is probably supposed to come off as kind of spiritual warrior who has insights into the deep truths of the universe, but instead comes off as impossibly pretentious with quotes like "There is nothing...but nothing. There is nothing...but everything." and "The time is coming when we should all be...awake."
It's a really bad comic that I don't encourage you to read, not even for the inclusion of the finest supporting character of all time: The Yazz, a blue, streetwise pterodactyl who come from Yazzburg and wears an orange vest for some unknowable reason. Yes, he really existed.
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