Comic Reviews Week of 6/24/09

Remember kids, retcons cost lives.


Green Lantern (v4) #42
Written By Geoff "Kid Retcon" Johns
Art By Phillip Tan and Eddy Barrows

Hey, there's an actual Black Lantern in this issue. Unfortunately, it's a literal black lantern, and it kind of comes off like something out of some horror movie, as it spontaneously grows arms and seeks 'flesh'. But hell, it beats the Guardians sitting around at the end of every arc and making ominous statement.

But would it really be a Geoff Johns story without a retcon that essentially nullifies a story from between 1986 and 2005? No, it wouldn't, so Johns takes this opportunity to claim that Xanshi, the planet John Stewart let explode because of his own arrogance, was a planet full of jerks, so their destruction isn't really so bad after all.

Still, this issue is one of the better ones of John's run, if only because it feels like something is actually happening, rather than just building towards something way down the line.


Justice League of America (v2) #34
Written By Dwayne McDuffie
Art By Adrian Syrf and Eddy Barrows

How the hell has this title lasted this long. I mean, it's been decent ever since Meltzer left, but he didn't exactly create the strongest foundations, and with the crushing weight of unending crossovers...well, it's to McDuffie's credit that it is wholly unreadable.

That said, the Milestone Universe? Really? Sure, they were using Static over in Teen Titans but he was essentially the only marketable commodity that the entire misbegotten line ever produced. Let's be honest, there has been exactly one version of the Justice League that worked without the big guns of the DC Universe, and that was the Giffen/DeMatteis run, and that only worked because it was a comedy.

Anyway, this issue answers the question of how the Milestone characters ended up in the DC universe...apparently some guy just kind of jammed them in there during the last crisis, and Superman's response is basically, "eh, okay, whatever."



Dark Wolverine #75
Written By Daniel Way and Marjorie Liu
Art By Giuseppe Camuncoli

Dark Wolverine is what happens when a writer has a bad idea and there's no one around with the wherewithal to stop the madness before it gets too far. You see Daken if the son of Wolverine, and he's kind of evil, but only in a boring emo way. Anyway, he's been impersonating Wolverine in the Avengers, and now he has his own title. Thrill as Daken plays mind games with the rest of the Dark Avengers! Gasp in horror as he shares his half-baked philosophy about the world! Grimace as the Dark Reign storyline continues into its mind-numbing sixth month!

Also, I don't know how to break this to Marvel, but the whole 'villain pretending to be a hero' concept can get old quickly if you pump out a dozen books with the same idea. I mean, they've put out "Dark Avengers" and the new "Ms. Marvel" and Bullseye/Hawkeye character has his own miniseries, and there's going to a book called "Dark X-Men"....well, you get the idea.

But hey, if you like Daken....then I don't want you reading my reviews.


Gotham City Sirens #1
Written By Paul Dini
Art By Guillem March

If this comic were put out by Marvel instead of DC, you know it'd be called "Dark Birds of Prey," just saying.

On the one hand, I can't help but feel like this isn't exactly the strongest premise for a book that ever was. "A bunch of female Bat-Villains get together and do morally ambiguous stuff" doesn't sound like a comic that's going to last long.

That said, it's not bad...except for the fact that Paul Dini apparently doesn't realize that no one likes Hush, and feels the need to reference his last Hush-centric story. I would be lying if I said that I knew where the book was going, but I'm impressed enough to give it another chance.

Pico-Reviews-Three orders of magnitude shorter than anyone else's!

Dark Avengers/X-Men Utopia: Pass

Nova #26: I now believe that every single Marvel book is caught up in one crossover or another.

Wolverine: Weapon X #3, Wolverine Noir #3, and Wolverine First Class #16: There's really this much of a market for Wolverine comics? Really? And yet Captain Britain is still going to get cancelled? You all suck.

Uncanny X-Men #512: A bunch of characters go back in time and cause the 1906 San Francisco earthquake? Well-played Mr. Fraction.

Comic Reviews Week of 6/17/09

Hated and feared by a world that I hate and fear, it's time for more reviews.



X-Men: Legacy #225
Written By Mike Carey
Art By Phil Briones

It occurs to me that before Mike Carey started writing this title he wrote Lucifer which was a comic about the devil wandering around and doing vague things in order to further his long-term plan. As opposed to this title, which involves Charles Xavier wandering around and doing vague things to further his long-term plan, but with tons of continuity weighing it all down.

I suppose if you really enjoyed the X-Books of the '90s, you're probably thrilled to see Exodus and a new version of the Acolytes, but if you aren't...well, that's a shame. Now personally, I'm not a huge fan of the X-Men, so I can't help but feel like the finer points of this title are lost on me. My reading of the book was essentially Xavier shows up to tell some low-level league of evil mutants to disperse, and, after a bit of explanation, they do.

But hey, if Marvel's publishing a half-dozen ongoing X-Men titles, there's nothing wrong with one of them being whole-heartedly devoted to the hardcore fans, and in that spirit, this book definitely appeals to someone.



Superman/Batman #61
Written By Michael Green and Mike Johnson
Art By Francis Manapul

I'm actually kind of amazed that this title is still running, if only because it seemed like the whole idea of Batman and Superman teaming up would have a somewhat limited amount of stories to tell. Like, eventually you'd end writing a story where, you know, all of Batman's villains got merged with Superman's villains and they had to fight them, but all of their friends were all mixed-up too.

In fairness, they managed to go for five years of story before reaching that level of desperation, and I suppose that this is about as well-produced a version of that kind of story as you're apt to find.

You could do worse, although it wouldn't be hard to do better either.



Supergirl (v5) #42
Written By Sterling Gates
Art By Jamal Igle

On the plus side, the 'Who is Superwoman' arc is almost certainly the best story of this entire volume. On the minus side, the volume of Supergirl has been composed of stories that have mainly ranged from mediocre to soul-crushingly bad, so that doesn't really mean much of anything.

But this is an okay issue. It basically sums up what happened and sets the stage for Kara going back home to New Krypton. It's pretty well-written, but nothing too special. Still, you have to give Gates credit for making Kara into a character that is not totally unlikable, and since before he came to the book it was written by Jeph Loeb and then Joe Kelly, that's a pretty fucking spectacular accomplishment.

The biggest problem with this book is its contest, but to discuss that, let's bring in an example of what gone wrong on the Superman books:



Action Comics Annual #12
Written By Greg Rucka
Art By Pere Perez

John Byrne is basically a washed-up creator who hasn't done anything good in almost twenty years. But, before his talent mysterioulsy vanished, he leave an important legacy that shaped Superman books for well over a decade; Superman was absolutely the only survivor of Krypton, and thus was unique in the universe.

Now, Byrne did that because over the course of the Silver and Bronze Age there'd been a proliferation of Kryptonians who, through various means, had escaped the destruction of their planet, and had somewhat diluted the character and meaning of Superman. In his mind, Superman should be a singular creature unlike everyone else.

Of course, nowadays there's a 'New Krypton' and thousands of Kryptonians running around. I would guess that eventually that's going to be fixed, but in the meantime, Superman, instead of being a morally and physically transcendent being is just the nicest one of a surviving race of near-gods.

But the problem with this issue is that I could care less about the origin of Nightwing and Firebird, and I don't really think too many other people were clamoring to pay $5 to hear about their origin either. Still, I suppose this issue does answer the most important question: is Kryptonian religion more like Hinduism or Catholicism? It's not a particularly exiciting or interesting issue, though Rucka doesn't do a bad job of scripting it.

Mini-Reviews: Now with even less thought than before:

Captain Britain and MI-13 #14: We should all be grateful it lasted as long as it did.

War Machine #7: War Machine blows some more shit up...for justice! Actually I think the mid-90s volume of War Machine was more intelligent than this.

Punisher #6: No, I'm sorry Marvel, I know you're trying to sell The Hood just as hard as you can, but I'm not buying.

Savage She-Hulk #3: Well, I certainly didn't see that ending coming.

Streets of Gotham #1: Because you demanded it, a Batman ongoing with 10% more supporting cast!

Dark Reign - Young Avengers #2: It would take some sort of super-powered statistician or perhaps a genetically modified actuary to explain how the Young Avengers have gotten another miniseries.

Comic Reviews Week of 6/3/09

Oh Lord, please have mercy on my Xbox 360, which may or may not be on its last legs.

As an offering, I humbly present this week's poorly-written reviews.



Black Panther (v5) #5
Written By Reginald "Bringer of Sorrow" Hudlin
Art By Ken Lashley

Okay, so at the end of this issue, after five issues of waiting, the new Black Panther finally appears in costume. Awesome. Also, it's exactly who you'd expect.

Next issue promises a showdown between not only the Black Pantherette and Morlun (who has become basically the Superboy-Prime of the Marvel universe), but also between Storm and Death. Seeing as Storm is one of the most prominent X-Men, the chances of her actually dying in a non X-book are approximately -10%.



Captain Britain & MI-13 Annual #1 (And Only)
Written By Paul Cornell
Art By Matt Collins & Adrian Alphonia

I can only assume that this annual was written before this title was cancelled, and then Marvel decided that it might as well release it anyway, because most of the time you don't produce special issues of doomed comics.

That said, it's a fine comic that makes me wish it weren't cancelled. But let's be honest, when your headliner is Captain Britain, you're living on borrowed time unless you have a high-profile creative team, and Paul Cornell, talented though he is, is not that. At least in America, I seem to recall he's probably more well-known in Britain.

Oddly enough, both the main story and the back-up are essentially callbacks to Chris Claremont's run on X-Books during the '80s. Which is great if you care about characters like Meggan, and fondly remember Claremont's obssession with the X-Men playing baseball. Now I am not one of those people, but I still found the issue perfectly enjoyable.


Batman and Robin #1
Written By Grant Morrison
Art By Frank Quitely

You know what, I whole-heartedly endorse what Morrison's doing. For too long the Batman books have been mired in the overly grim version of Batman made popular by Frank Miller. Oh, there have been attempts to fix the problem, most notably a reasonably concerted effort made right after Infinite Crisis, but this is probably the best approach; making a clean break with the past.

Now I know that Bruce Wayne will be back in some crossover or another in the not-too-distant future, but at the moment, Morrison is offering a fresh take on the character in the most profound way in the last forty years. It might not work, but it beats just doing the same stories over and over again.

Plus, you can't go wrong with Quitely's art. All in all, it's a good idea that's also well-executed. Hopefully it won't become a historical sidenote...but in all honesty, it's apt to become the Knightfall of this decade, although this book is way better.



Ultimatum #4 (of 5)
Written By Jeph Loeb
Art By David Finch

Well, if you've ever wanted to see Dr. Strange's head explode, you are going to love this comic. Otherwise you will almost certainly feel a sense of loss and a deep depression that persists for days. This has been a disturbingly violent miniseries. I mean, in one sequence, Angel's wing gets bitten off by Sabretooth, who is then shot in eye by Hawkeye, and right after that, Magneto's arm gets cut off by a sword. Now I don't usually mind graphic violence, but even I think that is a bit much.

I can understand why Marvel would want to clean house, but I'm not sure that butchering as many characters as possible in as short a time as possible is wise. Actually, it seems like a rather desperate manuever. Of course, they're also constrained by the fact that the Ultimate Universe is apparently going to continue after the end of this mini-series, meaning that they really can't afford to kill important characters, leading to one of the most extensive cullings of second-tier characters in recent history.

Whoever thought that Jeph Loeb's writing was going to save the Ultimate Universe has made a rather regrettable mistake.

Okay, that'll do for today.

Comic Reviews Week of 5/13/09

Now the time is here, for bad comics to feel fear.


Black Panther (v5) #4
Written By Reginald Hudlin
Art By Ken Lashley

Okay, so if you're going to plaster images of the new female Black Panther in pretty much every Marvel book, and have her on every cover of this series, then maybe, just maybe, she should be established by issue four. A crazy notion, I know, but it's worth a shot.

And that's not even the worst of the book's problems. First of all, Morlun was a shitty villain in the Spider-Man books, and the day has yet to come when his appearance elicits a reaction other than dread from most comic book readers. So, to bring him into what is already a pretty crappy book? Not a great idea.

This issue also includes T'Challa fighting against Death to...well...not die, it's not very exciting or particularly well-written. If you really like Hudlin's writing, you'll probably like it, but the remaining 99% of comics fans will probably wonder why this series gets to live while other, better comics go to an early grave.



Green Lantern Corps #36
Written By Peter J. Tomasi
Art By Patrick Gleason

I can sum up the main action of this issue thusly:

Sinestro: Soranik, I am your father!
Soranik: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Sinestro: Search your feelings, you know it to be true!
Soranik: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! So, I assume you want me to turn evil?
Sinestro: What? No, I just wanted to give some exposition.
Soranik: Um....okay?
Sinestro: Outstanding. Well then, I must be on my way.
-Exit Sinestro-

Also, Sinestro at one point busts out an old Latin maxim, which he then translates into English that makes no sense seeing as he's an alien talking to another alien. Yeah, it's kind of nitpicking, but still, it kind of seems like lazy writing combined with pretentiousness. I mean, it's a maxim native to earth, which neither participant in the conversation is from, so why would Sinestro feel the need to say that. Especially since English probably isn't spoken on Korugar, so what we have here is basically a linguistic non-sequitur.

Anyway, the riot featured on the cover is featured for all of two splash pages. On the one hand, it's kind of false advertising, but on the other, this issue is mainly exposition, and not even exciting exposition, and it's hard to make a cover of that.





Ultimate Spider-Man #132
Written By Brian Michael Bendis
Art By Stuart Immonen

Wow, I didn't realize this comic was still around. But here it is, at issue #132, the series that taught us all the true meaning of the word 'decompression.'

At any rate, there's really no reason for Ultimate Spider-Man to exist anymore. I mean, back in the day, Spider-Man had a wife and a fancy job and he wasn't the lovable loser that Marvel assumed everyone wanted him to be. But since One More Day hit, Ultimate Spider-Man is not the unique view of the character it once was, and even though it's been a consistently decent, if not great, title, the rest of the Ultimate line has been deteriorating at an incredible rate. And because of that, Marvel's decided to basically blow the whole thing up and restart a bunch of series. It's not a strategy that seems likely to work, but I suppose it's worth a shot.

But I digress, this state of affairs leaves this issue with the task of selling the idea that there's a world-changing event happening without actually making any forward progress on that story. Given that mandate, this issue is really just marking time, though it's not the creative team's fault, really.

Nano-Micro-Mini-Reviews, so I don't have to think as hard:

Savage She-Hulk #2 (of 4): Considering that the remit for this series was to have two She-Hulks in a cat fight, it's not bad.

Secret Warriors #4: A Bendis comic where nothing happens? No, I simply won't believe it.

Dark Reign: Young Avengers #1 (0f 6): Any comic that only features the titular Young Avengers on the last page of the comic has to be the greatest Young Avengers comic of all-time.

And, because I have too much time on my hands, I would like to present

A Very Special Retraux Revieux

Adventures of the Outsiders #35
Written By Mike W. Barr
Art By Alan Davis and Paul Neary
Cover Date July 1986

Just looking at that cover, you know there's going to be problems.

Anyway, you're probably wondering how this issue came to be, after all, as a side character said in the issue previous to this one:


It turns out that this isn't the real Hitler, but instead a clone, made possible by the scientific efforts of a character that Mike Barr feels compelled to name 'Madame Ovary.' You might accuse him of hacky writing, but after 'The Nuclear Family', 'The Duke of Oil'. and 'The Force of July' it's clear that he was suffering from some sort of undisclosed mental illness that most likely played a role in the creation of this story.

But anyway, the evil Baron Bedlam has managed to clone Hitler, but it's soon become clear that the ol' Fuhrer isn't quite all there. So, the Baron comes up with a cunning plan, to restore Hitler to full strength all he needs to do is put Adolf in his element. How, you might ask? Oh, it's exactly as bad as you think:



But you see, this story isn't really about Hitler coming back from the dead for vengeance, it's really a story about redemption....Hitler's redemption...no, I'm not kidding:

Yes, that's right, cloned Hitler, overcome at the guilt of killing millions of Jews decides to kill himself, which is bad enough, but then Mike Barr tries to twist it into something about there being hope even for the worst of us.

Comic Reviews Week of 5/6/09

Well, it's time for another week of reviews, or is it?

Yes, it is. And we start this week with...oh, fuck...



Flash - Rebirth #2 (of 6)
Written By Geoff Johns
Art By Ethan Van Sciver
Suffering By Me

Okay, well, this is issue two of Barry Allen's return to being THE Flash, which I still think is kind of a bad idea, but hell, what are you going to do.

Geoff Johns seems to think that the best way to characterize Barry Allen is to give him some angst. He's wrong, though. As a practical matter, the last thing anyone wants to read about is another emo super-hero with a tragic past. One of the few things that was good about Barry Allen back in the day was that he was largely free of that bullshit. He didn't brood, he didn't have dark secrets, and that was okay.

Anyway, the Johns version of Barry Allen is that he's a cop (which doesn't seem that faithful to earlier depictions of him which emphasized the scientist part a bit more, but whatever) and that he believes his father to be falsely convicted of murder. I assume that part is a straight-up retcon, because I can't remember anything like that before hand. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that his father was really guilty, and that Barry will have to reconcile his black and white morality (as seen in issue #1) with his father's sins.

That or Barry Allen finally finds the evidence that his father was innocent and must confront the inadequacies of the criminal justice system of which he is a part. I can't say I care much either way.

But hey, if you ever said to yourself, 'Man, I'd really like Barry Allen to come back, except instead of being a boring nice guy, I want him to be a boring stand-offish guy, with a dark past...also, I want him to make sure everyone knows that he's a cop by dropping cop slang like 'perps' and 'contain the scene' every other sentence.' Well, then you're Geoff Johns and I can only imagine that this is some sort of punishment for not liking Superboy Prime enough.



Irredeemable #2
Written By Mark Waid
Art By Peter Krause

Iredeemable seems to a miniseries designed to answer the question, "What if a Superman-like character lived in the real world, with all of its attendant problems of celebrity and the like?" I suppose that's a fair question, but well, I'm not sure that's where this is headed.

Actually, I think I want to reserve judgment until it's over, although so far it really hasn't been that good. This issue seems to be showing us, "What would happen if you had a Lois Lane/Clark Kent/Superman love triangle sort of situation in the real world," and it works out badly, as you might expect.

It's average, which kind of makes it somewhat uninteresting to talk about.



Power Girl #1
Written By Justin Gray and Jimmy Palmiotti
Art By Amanda Conner

I've been wracking my brain to come up with the reason for why people like Power Girl. I mean, her ever-changing origin story has gone from "obscure" to "faintly moronic" to "utter confusing" and finally stopped at "too convoluted for it's own good." And the character, more often than not, has showcased some rather unfortunate stereotypes of female behavior. At the end of the day, I am forced, with some reluctance, to conclude, that the only reason anyone has ever like Power Girl is because of her tits.

There, I said it. The sooner we all come to terms with that, the easier the rest of this review will be. (You can tell that this is a top-flight review blog, because I didn't make the rest/breast pun in the last sentence)

But before I begin, I'd like to showcase part of the book, which kind of makes my point for me better than I ever could:



First of all, if Power Girl doesn't want people to look at her boobs, why would she dress like that? Second of all, someone should do a running count on the number of boob jokes in this series. By the time it gets cancelled at about issue fifteen, I'm willing to bet that they've made over twenty of them.

Anyway, the premise of the series is that Power Girl is trying to start her life over and so has decided to become a corporate executive in order to help the world. I'd give them a pass for the lag between pitching a comic and it coming out, but even before the recession the superhero as a good-hearted executive was trite and not terribly believable. Then she fights the Ultra-Humanite, because Power Girl has no rogues' gallery, and they needed someone to fight her.

The art's good, the writing not-so-much, and it's kind of built on a foundation of sand anyway. But it's worth a shot, I suppose.


New Mutants (v4) #1
Written By Zeb Wells
Art By Diogenes Neyes

Well, here we go again!

In 1983, Marvel launched a companion series to the then super-popular Uncanny X-Men called New Mutants. For a time, it was really popular, then it kind of fell apart, then Rob Liefeld showed up, then the '90s happened.

I suppose the best way to explain why this comic exists is that Marvel figured that at some point New Mutants was a smash hit. For the last few years, they've been operating under the assumption that it was the concept of young mutants hanging out and occasionally fighting crime that made the book a success rather than the specific characters. After trying three times in a row to replicate even a fraction of the success of the original New Mutants, and failing each time, Marvel has decided to try something else.

So, now they're working from the other angle, figuring that it was the specific character that made the first incarnation of the New Mutants so successful. So, they've brought back as many of the characters as they could scare up, seemingly brought back on of their more notable villains and are hoping that it recaptures the magic, or at least puts up respectable sales numbers.

I'm in my early twenties, so when I was growing up, most of these characters had either fallen off the grid of were in X-Force, so I don't have particularly fond memories of any of them. And if you premise doesn't even appeal to people as old as me, what the fuck are you doing, anyway?

That said, it's fine.

Mini-micro-reviews: For when thought is too much to ask

X-Men: First Class: Finals #4 (0f 4): You could do much worse.

Marvel Zombies 4 #2: If you're bringing in the Midnight Sons, you've drained the idea well dry, and it's time to give it a rest. Incidentally, that lesson is more applicable to every day life than you might think.

Final Crisis Aftermath - Run! #1: On the one hand, it's not bad, on the other hand, propagation of crossover series must end, or all will be lost.

Warlord #2: In the savage world of Skartaris, no one has yet invented pants. Actually, this one isn't bad either, and it is written by Mike Grell, so I can only assume this is an official apology for the Bruce Jones miniseries.

Trinity #49: So...this is still going, huh? How about that. This issue, the earth explodes...I can only assume this means the end of the DC line.

Amazing Spider-Man #593: Hey, here's a funny story. in 1995, there was a crossover called "Underworld Unleashed" in the DC universe. The goal of the crossover was to reinvigorate villains via demonic grants of power. It was fine crossover, but the consensus is that it probably wasn't a very good idea. Even the writer of the crossover said as much in his afterword in the collected edition. That writer's name was Mark Waid, and seeing as what he does to the Vulture in this issue...

Dollhouse (The TV show): Here me people of geekdom, simply because a show was created by Joss Whedon does not make it worthy of being revered. This show isn't good, and for a show which essentially stars a tabula rasa and a bunch of villains, it always seems to take the easy way out. Case in point, an unstable guy who killed a bunch of people to escape from the Dollhouse is an good idea. Making him a cartoonish villain is not. Also, having the guy who spent the entire season trying to take down the Dollhouse decide in the span of one episode, "Well, I went to incredible lengths to take this evil organization down and rescue the girl, but I suppose doing the exact opposite couldn't hurt," is not good no matter how fucking clever you think you are.

Star Trek (The Movie): J.J. Abrams, you can either work in the existing continuity or you can start over, but having your cake and eating it too....man....

Anyway, I didn't like this movie, but it's not because it fucked around with continuity, it's mainly because...I don't know, it was a bit too slick for its own good.

I mean, here's the thing, the movie is basically a caricature of Star Trek with some high-end special effects and action sequences tacked on. They basically went through Trek, found out the distinguishing marks of each character and jammed them all in one film. So you've got McCoy with his, "I'm a doctor, not a...." line and Sulu fencing, and Chekov with the inability to pronounce the letter 'v'. And if your goal is to make Star Trek appeal to the broadest possible audience, this is exactly how you'd do it.

So while I can appreciate the technical skill with which the movie was made, I just can't bring myself to say I liked it,

Also, by my count Kirk received a sextuple-promotion at the end from cadet to captain. That's probably a bit excessive, especially since most of the members of Starfleet academy were on all those ships that Nero blew up before the Enterprise showed at Vulcan.

Comic Reviews Week of 4/28/09

This column is dedicated to the Jesuits...they know why.

Written By Geoff "Why, God, Why" Johns
Art By George Perez

If this were a video blog, it'd be a safe bet that I'd make fun of the phonetic similarity between "Johns" and "Khan" and if you don't know how that works, I don't know why you're reading this blog.

Okay, now I know that the Time Trapper has had a rather flexible identity, he's been the personification of entropy, an alternate version of Cosmic Boy and the adult version of Lori Morning (a minor character in the reboot Legion that didn't even rate a cameo in this crossover). So his identity is flexible. Plus, we're dealing with three Legions and therefore alternate universes, so the Time Trapper is not necessarily THE Time Trapper.

However, let me just go on record as saying that there is no acceptable circumstance for any version of the Time Trapper being or even impersonating Superboy Prime for even a second. Okay? Everyone hates Superboy Prime, and not in the "Oh, man, I hope the Legion can beat this guy" kind of way so much as the, "Great, so the last time I see my version of the Legion they have to be fighting this tool?" kind of way.

Also, at this point, it seems like the only reason that the reboot and threeboot Legions get to guest-star is to provide cannon fodder so the Superboy-Prime can be threatening without making Johns sacrifice any of the members of his Legion, which is kind of adding insult to injury.

Oh yeah, and Kid Flash and Connor Kent return. I was never a particularly big fan of either character, especially once Johns got a hold of them in Teen Titans and basically made Kid Flash a boring non-entity and turned Connor Kent into the emo-iest member of the Superman family at the time.

Well, at least this Geoff Johns crossover is almost over....


Green Lantern (v4) #40
Written By Geoff Johns
Art By Phillip Tan

Agent Orange is still a profoundly stupid name, let's get that out of the way to start with.

And...you know, is anyone else getting tired of the seemingly endless build-up towards Blackest Night? (By the way, ten bucks says that there's a tie-in somewhere called 'Blackest Knight' that is about how Batman ties into all of this)

Anyway, here's been the general arc of stories for the last two years of Green Lantern stories

1. Green Lanterns encounter new corps
2. Guardians gather in secret chamber, speak ominously
3. Green Lanterns confront new corps
4. Guardians release new law that paints them in a darker light
5. Hal Jordan is troubled by the preceding events


Ultimate Hulk vs. Wolverine #5 (of 6)
Written By Damon Lindelof
Art By Leinil Franci Yu

This issue is pretty good, but it's probably not "Three years of waiting" good.

Also, if you can remember the names of the characters from "The Goonies" there is no way that you're claiming that Star Trek is for dorks, especially since Wolverine would have had to be in his seventies or so when "The Goonies" came out.

Okay, I thought too much about that one. At any rate, there's a good chance that this will be the last decent book ever released for the Ultimate Line, so enjoy it while you can, because God knows it's a sinking ship.



War Machine (v2) #5
Written By Greg Pak
Art By Leonardo Manco

It's kind of hard to put into words what I feel about this book. I mean, I think most people who read it would say that it's not very good, but on the other hand, you have to give the writers and artists credit for making War Machine looks progressively more ridiculous with each passing issue. Here's how Jim Rhodes looks by the end of the issue:


Now, you're probably wondering, 'wait, what the fuck is Dethlok doing in War Machine,' and the answer is....a poor choice of character design that has resulted in Marvel copying itself.

But in a world where Chuck Norris became an internet sensation, I suppose there's a place for this book. So sail on, you crazy...bird...okay, let's move on.

And now for a new feature micro-mini-reviews, because some times I don't even care enough to cobble together a couple of paragraphs:

Uncanny X-Men #509: Wait, so the first mutant in modern times was born in 1906 San Francisco? Does this mean mutants are caused by earthquakes?

Ms. Marvel #38: Meet the most unsustainable premise a comic has ever had!

Skaar, Son of the Hulk #11: Barbarians never, ever, ever need to learn about the power of friendship, okay?

Runaways #9: The Runaways win by Dragon ex Machina, as this series gives new and painful meaning to the phrase 'diminishing returns.'

Justice Society of America #26: Geoff Johns leaves JSA with a story that I can only imagine was designed to reduce my separation anxiety by making me hate him as much as possible. But I kid, I'm so glad that he took an entire issue to tell us how rad Stargirl is...and that's essentially all that happens. Apparently she's awesome, because she inspired both the old and young with her pluck, snatched victory from the jaws of defeat and...

If you love, I really mean love, Stargirl, you'll love this issue. Otherwise, you'll wish Geoff Johns would take his fucking Mary Sue with him when he leaves.

X-Men Origins - Wolverine (by which I mean the movie): If your version of Deadpool is mute and functions like an automaton and is the most powerful antagonist in the movie, there's a pretty fair chance you've rather drastically missed the point of the character at every possible level. Congratulations.

Special "Heroes" Season Finale Update

Spoilers Ahead






Remember how last season Noah Bennett (the guy with the glasses) got shot in head, and then hours later he was resurrected, with no ill effects, by Claire's blood? So does season two and the first half of season three not count, because that's about the only way last night's resolution makes any sense.

On the one hand, if I thought that Sylar were actually going away for more than a few episodes, I'd be willing to accept this, but since I doubt that's going to happen, I just kind of feel depressed and sleepy.

If I were in charge of the show, you know who I would have killed? Claire, because no one would have seen it coming, it would have had more emotional resonance with the remaining characters, and plus it would avoid the rather prominent continuity problem discussed above.

I think Heroes may be the worst television series I currently watch regularly, and if I were smart, I'd probably stop.