By the way, when I started working on my Misfile review, I was going to make a joke about the generally shitty nature of webcomics proving that corporate entities are ultimately the only thing saving us from ourselves. I only bring this up because I decided against it when I learned that FOX planned a entire night of Seth MacFarlane shows. Thus, I have concluded that whether executives meddle with creative types or not, mankind is completely and utterly doomed.
Incidentally, my generation can only blame themselves for this turn of events. You see, when we were all in our early-to-mid teens, Family Guy seemed like a good show...and since it went off the air, it kind of idealized our memories of it, even though Adult Swim brought it back. And so when Family Guy was put back on the air, it seemed awesome. Oh, how wrong we were.
I don't think my heart will be able to take it if it turns out that Futurama always sucked and I just hadn't realized it all of these years.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Webcomics of the Apocalypse: Misfile
Webcomics where men turn into teenage girls are really popular nowadays, and I'm not quite sure why....also, I'm not quite sure I want to know. It's probably Japan's fault or something.
Anyway, there are a ton of these webcomics out there, each an abomination against the human spirit in their own way. But since I decided I didn't want to commit suicide this week, I've decided to only take a look at one of them. And, as a sporting man, I choose to take on the mightiest among them, Misfile.
Begun in 2004, Misfile is the story of two high school students whose lives have been altered by... (come on, inner strength)...an angel getting high on pot and making a rather literal bureaucratic error. Anyway, one of them, Ash is now a girl and must learn to live as one until said pothead angel can fix the situation. Awesome.
Now, I haven't read many of these comics, but from what I understand, there are a number of tropes that these sort of comics are required by infernal law to invoke. There's the admission that a dude trapped in a chicks body would play with herself, there's a discussion on the proper use of bras, there's going into the girl's locker room, there's the use of boobs to control the minds of men...and so on....for over 1200 pages. Also, there are mind-shatteringly bad moments of supposed "humor." Fuck, let's be honest, just like every other one of these fucking transformation comics, it's just a flimsy chain of fanservice episodes that people mentally construct so that they don't have to come to terms with what they're spending their time reading. And in those rare instances where the strip tries to actually be funny, you'll wish they just did fanservice.
Actually, this comics does have exactly one other strand of story besides the adventures of the chick-who-was-a-dude, and that is the amazingly dull world of low-stakes auto racing. Sure, auto racing can be exciting...I guess, but this isn't. And it isn't an isolated occurrence.
I'm pretty sure there's an ongoing story, but it's been five years, and there's been essentially no forward movement. I guess occasionally some angels show up and say something ominous...or just dick around with the characters for fun.
As for the characters...well, you've Ash, the boy-girl, Emily the girl who is ambiguously attracted to Ash...and there are some angels and some other people, and I can't bring myself to care enough to finish this paragraph.
As for the art, well, one of my inspirations for this unfair and unbalanced attack was reading that Misfile was "notable for having above-average artwork." Yeah, I suppose given the utter dreck that populates most of the internet, it does have relatively nice artwork but, to paraphrase a Simpsons episode, while it has technical proficiency, it has no passion, showing no improvement over the five years it's been around, and having your typical derivative anime-wannabe style....well, except when his sense of perspective craps out.
Anyway, the larger point I'm trying to make is that this comic isn't very good. The art is competent, but that's the high point of the comic. It's well-written, but only by the standards of other gender-changing comics, and that's like saying that a serial killer who killed only four people is a pretty non-violent guy by the standards of serial killers. If you absolutely must read a a comic where a boy changes into a girl, perhaps because you lost a bet, or because of some sort of punishment from a higher power, then I suppose you could do worse than Misfile, and, my deepest condolences if those are, in fact, your circumstances.
Anyway, there are a ton of these webcomics out there, each an abomination against the human spirit in their own way. But since I decided I didn't want to commit suicide this week, I've decided to only take a look at one of them. And, as a sporting man, I choose to take on the mightiest among them, Misfile.
Begun in 2004, Misfile is the story of two high school students whose lives have been altered by... (come on, inner strength)...an angel getting high on pot and making a rather literal bureaucratic error. Anyway, one of them, Ash is now a girl and must learn to live as one until said pothead angel can fix the situation. Awesome.
Now, I haven't read many of these comics, but from what I understand, there are a number of tropes that these sort of comics are required by infernal law to invoke. There's the admission that a dude trapped in a chicks body would play with herself, there's a discussion on the proper use of bras, there's going into the girl's locker room, there's the use of boobs to control the minds of men...and so on....for over 1200 pages. Also, there are mind-shatteringly bad moments of supposed "humor." Fuck, let's be honest, just like every other one of these fucking transformation comics, it's just a flimsy chain of fanservice episodes that people mentally construct so that they don't have to come to terms with what they're spending their time reading. And in those rare instances where the strip tries to actually be funny, you'll wish they just did fanservice.
Actually, this comics does have exactly one other strand of story besides the adventures of the chick-who-was-a-dude, and that is the amazingly dull world of low-stakes auto racing. Sure, auto racing can be exciting...I guess, but this isn't. And it isn't an isolated occurrence.
I'm pretty sure there's an ongoing story, but it's been five years, and there's been essentially no forward movement. I guess occasionally some angels show up and say something ominous...or just dick around with the characters for fun.
As for the characters...well, you've Ash, the boy-girl, Emily the girl who is ambiguously attracted to Ash...and there are some angels and some other people, and I can't bring myself to care enough to finish this paragraph.
As for the art, well, one of my inspirations for this unfair and unbalanced attack was reading that Misfile was "notable for having above-average artwork." Yeah, I suppose given the utter dreck that populates most of the internet, it does have relatively nice artwork but, to paraphrase a Simpsons episode, while it has technical proficiency, it has no passion, showing no improvement over the five years it's been around, and having your typical derivative anime-wannabe style....well, except when his sense of perspective craps out.
Anyway, the larger point I'm trying to make is that this comic isn't very good. The art is competent, but that's the high point of the comic. It's well-written, but only by the standards of other gender-changing comics, and that's like saying that a serial killer who killed only four people is a pretty non-violent guy by the standards of serial killers. If you absolutely must read a a comic where a boy changes into a girl, perhaps because you lost a bet, or because of some sort of punishment from a higher power, then I suppose you could do worse than Misfile, and, my deepest condolences if those are, in fact, your circumstances.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Incidentally, Stargate Universe Sucks
Okay, Stargate: Universe has been on the air for a while now, and I feel confident in saying that it isn't very good.
Oh, I'm sure it seemed like a good idea at some point, jamming together the premise of Star Trek: Voyager, the 'dark n' grittiness' of the new Battlestar Galactica and the backdrop of Stargate. Well, it must have sounded good to someone.
Anyway, I have the feeling that people are probably going to look back at Battlestar Galactica the same way that comic book fans look at Watchmen. A great story, but also something that ended up spawning a decade of painfully grim imitators that almost destroyed the entire industry...okay, I don't think that the entire sci-fi industry is going to implode, but you get my meaning.
Tonight's episode, "Earth," is about a risky plan to get the crew of the Destiny back to Earth and end the series after five episodes. Lamentably, they fail. But in the meantime, some other characters get to go to Earth via a body-switching machine and go out drinking/having sex and then talking about their feelings. Here's a basic rule of thumb for science-fiction to follow: for every scene that involves two characters talking about emotions, include at least one gunfight, because if you aren't, you are tragically misunderstanding your target audience.
Actually, that's not true, if you do a great job developing your characters, maybe, just maybe, you can get away with an episode that is 95% talking, but SG:U's cast of characters isn't...you know, good. There's the Amoral Scientist! The Gruff Commander! Lieutenant Prince Hal! The Nerd-Who-Could-Be-You! The Hot Chick! Sergeant Psychopath! Thrill as the Nerd realizes that the Hot Chick would rather bang a jock! Gasp as the Gruff Commander questions the morality of the amoral scientist! Recoil in horror as Sergeant Psychopath threatens bodily harm to several more members of the team!
I don't know, I guess the show is still getting on its feet, so I should be nicer, but...well, I can't change who I am. Oh, if the show turns out to be a critical success, I'll look like a complete tool, but well, in that event, the imminent ending of days will be more of a concern.
Oh, I'm sure it seemed like a good idea at some point, jamming together the premise of Star Trek: Voyager, the 'dark n' grittiness' of the new Battlestar Galactica and the backdrop of Stargate. Well, it must have sounded good to someone.
Anyway, I have the feeling that people are probably going to look back at Battlestar Galactica the same way that comic book fans look at Watchmen. A great story, but also something that ended up spawning a decade of painfully grim imitators that almost destroyed the entire industry...okay, I don't think that the entire sci-fi industry is going to implode, but you get my meaning.
Tonight's episode, "Earth," is about a risky plan to get the crew of the Destiny back to Earth and end the series after five episodes. Lamentably, they fail. But in the meantime, some other characters get to go to Earth via a body-switching machine and go out drinking/having sex and then talking about their feelings. Here's a basic rule of thumb for science-fiction to follow: for every scene that involves two characters talking about emotions, include at least one gunfight, because if you aren't, you are tragically misunderstanding your target audience.
Actually, that's not true, if you do a great job developing your characters, maybe, just maybe, you can get away with an episode that is 95% talking, but SG:U's cast of characters isn't...you know, good. There's the Amoral Scientist! The Gruff Commander! Lieutenant Prince Hal! The Nerd-Who-Could-Be-You! The Hot Chick! Sergeant Psychopath! Thrill as the Nerd realizes that the Hot Chick would rather bang a jock! Gasp as the Gruff Commander questions the morality of the amoral scientist! Recoil in horror as Sergeant Psychopath threatens bodily harm to several more members of the team!
I don't know, I guess the show is still getting on its feet, so I should be nicer, but...well, I can't change who I am. Oh, if the show turns out to be a critical success, I'll look like a complete tool, but well, in that event, the imminent ending of days will be more of a concern.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Comic Reviews Week of 9/2/09
Well, I'm back from...fuck it, no one reads this blog anyway
Justice League - Cry For Justice #3 (of 7)
Written By James "More Pain than an Aspirin Can Cure" Robinson
Art By Mauro Cascioli
After issue 2, I was worried. What if Robinson managed to turn the miniseries around? My bitching about the earlier issues would look pretty silly. But Robinson must have understood my concerns, and so decided to take the sucking up a notch, to levels not seen since the heady days of Extreme Justice.
There are basically four big problems in this specific title and the miniseries at a whole that are crippling it:
1 The whole genesis of Green Lantern's dissatisfaction with the normal operations of the Justice League makes no sense. Okay, it's supposed to be because the League was unable to stop the deaths of Batman and the Martian Manhunter, but that still seems like a slight reason. Even if you are feeling gracious to concede the conceit of death being real in comic books, and even if you're willing to extend to characters like Green Arrow and Green Lantern who have both died and come back to life, and even if you are willing to believe that the death of Batman was so traumatic (more so than the deaths of Superman and Wonder Woman) that it leads to a fundamental revision of how one sees the world, does that really lead to Super-heroes torturing villains for information? (And, by the way, Prometheus himself points out how stupid the idea of comic book death is, in this very comic...awesome.)
2. And the torture itself seems like a very, very bad misstep. First of all, if you want to have heroes torturing villains, that's fine in general, but having marquee DC heroes? That's a hell of way to get kids to read comics. But even if you think this morally dubious act is okay in terms of the story, what about the characters doing it. Green Lantern is supposed to be, essentially, a super-cop, leaving all of the other baggage of his character behind, is it really a good a idea to have the character most like a super-police officer torturing people in his custody? Oh, and then there's Green Arrow, who is supposed to the mouthy liberal of the team. He doesn't seem to have much of a problem with what's happening. But the worst part is the Atom using his power's to stomp on a guy's brain. You know, like how his ex-wife killed someone, an event that so traumatized him he ran away from the universe. But hey, I guess he got over, and is now able to say things in response to torture like, "The pain we feel can't be fixed with an aspirin." Which leads us to:
3. Holy fuck, what the hell happened to James Robinson's ability to write dialogue? Robinson's always had a bit of a reputation for overwriting, but this miniseries seems like almost a parody of his earlier works. It feels like every single thing a character says is stilted and not something someone would say at any time under any circumstance. Fuck, the diaogue is so oddly constructed I feel like I should be checking the meter to see if it's iambic pentameter.
4. And here's the thing that no one's talking about, because the first three problems are so acute. Ultimately, it's just not a very good comic. The first three issues have boiled down to a bunch of superheroes getting attacked and slowly, slowly, slowly coming together in order to take down Prometheus, who has a long-term plan to...do something. He apparently likes to monologue only about the steps leading up to his masterstroke, making him a most unusual villain. (And to make Prometheus a threatening villain again, Robinson retcons all of his defeats away except for his first two.)
So, it's bad, but it's bad in an entertaining way, and that has to count for something.
Invincible Iron Man #17
Written By Matt Fraction
Art By Salvador Larocca
So, Tony Stark, super-genius, has secret information in his head that must never fall into the wrong hands. His solution? Lobotimize himself! Which kind of seems like a plan that couldn't possibly go right, but hell, I suppose having a increasingly stupid Iron Man is actually a relatively fresh take on the character, so it deserves to be applauded for that.
Actually, I kind of liked this issue, although it feels like Dark Reign has gone on forever, and since it's an obviously unsustainable premise, I'd like to see some movement towards resolving it.
Supergirl Annual #1
Written By Sterling Gates
Art By Fernando Dagnino
Supergirl has basically always sucked as a character. I know, you know it, the whole world knows it. More to the point, the only run in the history of Supergirl that anyone has ever thought better than barely competent was Peter David's run, which has been retconned out of continuity anyway. But hell, DC's been making a big deal of turning Supergirl into a core Super-book, so I guess I have to take this issue seriously.
Too bad it's not very good.
The first story is about Supergirl and her continuing struggles with Kryptonians in Metropolis. It feels like this story has already been done, and it just goes to show that John Byrne had a point in not wanting thousands of Kryptonians running around. It doesn't really go anywhere interesting, other than it sends Kara into some sort of emotional depression, which I believe is the 126th such occurence in the 40 or so issues in this volume of Supergirl.
The second story sucks even harder. Remember Superwoman, that mildly interesting villain that fought Supergirl a few issues ago before dying? Yeah, well, she's back, and we get to hear her life story. Apparently Lucy Lane has always been in the shadow of her sister Lois...and that's about it.
Don't waste your money.
Mini-reviews: For when sustained thought is too dear!
Ultimate Comics Spider-Man #2: How long does this comic run before the continuity becomes so snarled so as to negate the rationale behind this comic, keeping in mind a female clone of Peter Parker has already been introduced?
Cable #18: This is actually quite a bit better than I'd thought it would be.
Batman #690: I think that, ultimately, the most persuasive argument against reality television is the rise of Judd Winick.
Justice League - Cry For Justice #3 (of 7)Written By James "More Pain than an Aspirin Can Cure" Robinson
Art By Mauro Cascioli
After issue 2, I was worried. What if Robinson managed to turn the miniseries around? My bitching about the earlier issues would look pretty silly. But Robinson must have understood my concerns, and so decided to take the sucking up a notch, to levels not seen since the heady days of Extreme Justice.
There are basically four big problems in this specific title and the miniseries at a whole that are crippling it:
1 The whole genesis of Green Lantern's dissatisfaction with the normal operations of the Justice League makes no sense. Okay, it's supposed to be because the League was unable to stop the deaths of Batman and the Martian Manhunter, but that still seems like a slight reason. Even if you are feeling gracious to concede the conceit of death being real in comic books, and even if you're willing to extend to characters like Green Arrow and Green Lantern who have both died and come back to life, and even if you are willing to believe that the death of Batman was so traumatic (more so than the deaths of Superman and Wonder Woman) that it leads to a fundamental revision of how one sees the world, does that really lead to Super-heroes torturing villains for information? (And, by the way, Prometheus himself points out how stupid the idea of comic book death is, in this very comic...awesome.)
2. And the torture itself seems like a very, very bad misstep. First of all, if you want to have heroes torturing villains, that's fine in general, but having marquee DC heroes? That's a hell of way to get kids to read comics. But even if you think this morally dubious act is okay in terms of the story, what about the characters doing it. Green Lantern is supposed to be, essentially, a super-cop, leaving all of the other baggage of his character behind, is it really a good a idea to have the character most like a super-police officer torturing people in his custody? Oh, and then there's Green Arrow, who is supposed to the mouthy liberal of the team. He doesn't seem to have much of a problem with what's happening. But the worst part is the Atom using his power's to stomp on a guy's brain. You know, like how his ex-wife killed someone, an event that so traumatized him he ran away from the universe. But hey, I guess he got over, and is now able to say things in response to torture like, "The pain we feel can't be fixed with an aspirin." Which leads us to:
3. Holy fuck, what the hell happened to James Robinson's ability to write dialogue? Robinson's always had a bit of a reputation for overwriting, but this miniseries seems like almost a parody of his earlier works. It feels like every single thing a character says is stilted and not something someone would say at any time under any circumstance. Fuck, the diaogue is so oddly constructed I feel like I should be checking the meter to see if it's iambic pentameter.
4. And here's the thing that no one's talking about, because the first three problems are so acute. Ultimately, it's just not a very good comic. The first three issues have boiled down to a bunch of superheroes getting attacked and slowly, slowly, slowly coming together in order to take down Prometheus, who has a long-term plan to...do something. He apparently likes to monologue only about the steps leading up to his masterstroke, making him a most unusual villain. (And to make Prometheus a threatening villain again, Robinson retcons all of his defeats away except for his first two.)
So, it's bad, but it's bad in an entertaining way, and that has to count for something.
Invincible Iron Man #17Written By Matt Fraction
Art By Salvador Larocca
So, Tony Stark, super-genius, has secret information in his head that must never fall into the wrong hands. His solution? Lobotimize himself! Which kind of seems like a plan that couldn't possibly go right, but hell, I suppose having a increasingly stupid Iron Man is actually a relatively fresh take on the character, so it deserves to be applauded for that.
Actually, I kind of liked this issue, although it feels like Dark Reign has gone on forever, and since it's an obviously unsustainable premise, I'd like to see some movement towards resolving it.
Supergirl Annual #1Written By Sterling Gates
Art By Fernando Dagnino
Supergirl has basically always sucked as a character. I know, you know it, the whole world knows it. More to the point, the only run in the history of Supergirl that anyone has ever thought better than barely competent was Peter David's run, which has been retconned out of continuity anyway. But hell, DC's been making a big deal of turning Supergirl into a core Super-book, so I guess I have to take this issue seriously.
Too bad it's not very good.
The first story is about Supergirl and her continuing struggles with Kryptonians in Metropolis. It feels like this story has already been done, and it just goes to show that John Byrne had a point in not wanting thousands of Kryptonians running around. It doesn't really go anywhere interesting, other than it sends Kara into some sort of emotional depression, which I believe is the 126th such occurence in the 40 or so issues in this volume of Supergirl.
The second story sucks even harder. Remember Superwoman, that mildly interesting villain that fought Supergirl a few issues ago before dying? Yeah, well, she's back, and we get to hear her life story. Apparently Lucy Lane has always been in the shadow of her sister Lois...and that's about it.
Don't waste your money.
Mini-reviews: For when sustained thought is too dear!
Ultimate Comics Spider-Man #2: How long does this comic run before the continuity becomes so snarled so as to negate the rationale behind this comic, keeping in mind a female clone of Peter Parker has already been introduced?
Cable #18: This is actually quite a bit better than I'd thought it would be.
Batman #690: I think that, ultimately, the most persuasive argument against reality television is the rise of Judd Winick.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Comic Reviews Week of 8/12/09
Straight from my brain to your screen with an unfortunate lack of a filter in between, it's more reviews!
Blackest Night #2 (of 8)
Written By Geoff Johns
Art By Ivan Reis
Well, it's better than last issue, that's for sure.
This issue features a lot less whining and a lot more zombie killing, which is definitely a wise choice. Of course, it's not perfect, as the main action sequence in this issue involves zombie-Aquaman fighting the rest of the Aqua-family, and that kind of undercuts the epic nature of this story.
I guess my main problem is that the villains aren't really as scary or creepy as they ought to be in this sort of story. As DC has proven repeatedly throughout the years, no matter what you do, Aquaman is still kind of a joke, and he's one of the better dead heroes that Johns has at his disposal.
But given how much better this is than the first issue, things are looking up.
Green Lantern Corps #39
Written By Peter J. Tomasi
Art By Patrick Gleason
This is a tie-in where basically nothing happens. As a practical matter, it wraps up a couple of subplots that had been dragging along for a while, most notably Sodam Yat and Arisia's trip to Daxam.
Beyond that, this issue basically shows a very, very slightly different version of events seen in Blackest Night #1, adding only a scene at the end where, spoiler alert, a dead character comes back to life as a Black Lantern. Since next issue will most like recapitulate that scene on the first page, one could conceivably skip this comic entirely and not miss much of anything at all.
Titans (v2) #16
Written By Christopher Yost
Art By Angel Unzueta
This is another tie-in, but, in a tragic lapse of scheduling, it's a tie-in to Final Crisis, showing the effects of that crossover on Starfire. So, it's already a bit irrelevant for that reason.
Now, I'm in my early twenties, by the time I was reading comics, the heyday of the Teen Titans had already come and gone. For that reason, I've never been able to understand the appeal of this particular title. Still, I understand that many people not too much older than me do like these characters, and so, to them, I poise the following question: Do you really want to read a comic where Starfire has a session with her therapist? Really?
Now, in fairness, the session is mainly used as a framing device, but still....it's just not very good.
Adventure Comics (v2) #1
Written By Geoff Johns
Art By Francis Manapul
JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's kind of interesting that both halves of this comic infuriate me. You'd think at least one of them would inspire a feeling other than rage...but here we are.
The first story features the Connor Kent Superboy, and since this is a Superboy story written in the last six years it must, by federal statute, feature Superboy angsting about having Lex Luthor's blood running through his veins. At this point, I kind of hope that Lex Luthor has a congenital heart defect that he passed onto Superboy so that he'll have a heart attack and die.
The backup feature is about the Legion of Superheroes, because apparently the most marketable form for the Legion is one that features decades-old continuity and protagonists in their thirties. (Note: the Legion franchise may be doomed) They have a secret mission in the past....again, which is surprising given how shitty the last story that featured such a plotline was.
So this issue features the ressurrection of a long-dead title that features two stories that seem to be rehashes of other stories that weren't very good in the first place. This is why I feel like in ten years we'll be regarding Geoff Johns the same way as Chris Claremont and John Byrne...which is a shame.
Blackest Night #2 (of 8)
Written By Geoff Johns
Art By Ivan Reis
Well, it's better than last issue, that's for sure.
This issue features a lot less whining and a lot more zombie killing, which is definitely a wise choice. Of course, it's not perfect, as the main action sequence in this issue involves zombie-Aquaman fighting the rest of the Aqua-family, and that kind of undercuts the epic nature of this story.
I guess my main problem is that the villains aren't really as scary or creepy as they ought to be in this sort of story. As DC has proven repeatedly throughout the years, no matter what you do, Aquaman is still kind of a joke, and he's one of the better dead heroes that Johns has at his disposal.
But given how much better this is than the first issue, things are looking up.
Green Lantern Corps #39
Written By Peter J. Tomasi
Art By Patrick Gleason
This is a tie-in where basically nothing happens. As a practical matter, it wraps up a couple of subplots that had been dragging along for a while, most notably Sodam Yat and Arisia's trip to Daxam.
Beyond that, this issue basically shows a very, very slightly different version of events seen in Blackest Night #1, adding only a scene at the end where, spoiler alert, a dead character comes back to life as a Black Lantern. Since next issue will most like recapitulate that scene on the first page, one could conceivably skip this comic entirely and not miss much of anything at all.
Titans (v2) #16
Written By Christopher Yost
Art By Angel Unzueta
This is another tie-in, but, in a tragic lapse of scheduling, it's a tie-in to Final Crisis, showing the effects of that crossover on Starfire. So, it's already a bit irrelevant for that reason.
Now, I'm in my early twenties, by the time I was reading comics, the heyday of the Teen Titans had already come and gone. For that reason, I've never been able to understand the appeal of this particular title. Still, I understand that many people not too much older than me do like these characters, and so, to them, I poise the following question: Do you really want to read a comic where Starfire has a session with her therapist? Really?
Now, in fairness, the session is mainly used as a framing device, but still....it's just not very good.
Adventure Comics (v2) #1
Written By Geoff Johns
Art By Francis Manapul
JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's kind of interesting that both halves of this comic infuriate me. You'd think at least one of them would inspire a feeling other than rage...but here we are.
The first story features the Connor Kent Superboy, and since this is a Superboy story written in the last six years it must, by federal statute, feature Superboy angsting about having Lex Luthor's blood running through his veins. At this point, I kind of hope that Lex Luthor has a congenital heart defect that he passed onto Superboy so that he'll have a heart attack and die.
The backup feature is about the Legion of Superheroes, because apparently the most marketable form for the Legion is one that features decades-old continuity and protagonists in their thirties. (Note: the Legion franchise may be doomed) They have a secret mission in the past....again, which is surprising given how shitty the last story that featured such a plotline was.
So this issue features the ressurrection of a long-dead title that features two stories that seem to be rehashes of other stories that weren't very good in the first place. This is why I feel like in ten years we'll be regarding Geoff Johns the same way as Chris Claremont and John Byrne...which is a shame.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Comic Reviews Week of 8/5/09
It's one of those weeks.
Justice League - Cry For Justice #2 (of 7)
Written By James Robinson
Art By Mauro Cascioli
There's really no getting around the fact that this comic sucks. Oh, it's better than the first issue, but that just means that it's awful instead of hilariously awful. I don't have good feeling about this series, since it has, so far, been superheroes whining at each other for the better part of two issues.
Anyway, this issue features the team slowly coming together as they begin to realize that these attacks are linked. Actually, they don't quite make it that far in this particular issue, but that's certainly where things are heading...albeit in the most glacial manner possible.
Also, after reading this issue, I have never hated Hal Jordan more, as Robinson somehow takes something like five pages to discuess why Green Lantern hated Batman, which is even less exciting than it sounds. At least last issue when the characters said stuff it was entertainingly stupid, this time characters are just boring.
Come to think of it, this is kind of like the exact opposite of Grant Morrison's run. Morrison's JLA was over-the-top, Robinson's is painfully low-key. Morrison's stories focused on action, Robinson's seem to be almost entirely character development. Morrison featured DC's most popular characters, Robinson includes characters like Congorilla. People liked Morrison's JLA, Robinson's....not so much.
Hulk #13
Written By Jeph Loeb
Art By Ed McGuiness
First of all, if last issue was #600, shouldn't this be #601? I mean, aren't you obligated to at least wait one issue before renumbering it again?
Anyway, at this point I don't think there's anything left to say. It's about big things hitting each other until the issue ends. I guess that's fine, it's better than most of what Jeph Loeb has written lately, but most of the better Hulk runs have offered something besides mindless action and this doesn't.
Also, I officially don't care about the Red Hulk who has done nothing interesting ever.
Captain America-Reborn #2
Written By Ed Brubaker
Art By Bryan Hitch
I don't get Captain America. I understand the concept of a guy who embodies all of the positive American ideals, which is what the Steve Rogers version of Cap is, but it doesn't seem like a very interesting character to me. At any rate, this is the miniseries designed to bring back the original version of Captain America.
I'm not a huge fan of Brubaker's run on Captain America. On an intellectual level, I know that it's well-written, but it just doesn't do much for me. Given that everyone else likes it, and that I basically have no idea what I'm talking about, I blame myself for this.
In retrospect, I suppose the point of this review was to inform the reader that a) I don't like Captain America and b) I'm a moron. Mission accomplished.
Mini-reviews: When ten sentences are simply nine too many!
Agents of Altas #9: Not only does this issue feature better use of a man trapped in a gorilla's body than Cry For Justice, it also features better use of Bruce Banner than the Hulk. Kind of makes you think.
Amazing Spider-Man #601: Why won't the writers of Spider-man stop talking about One More Day? Seriously, why can't they just let it alone.
Exiles #5: CANCELLED!!!!....again.
The Hangman #1: Did it ever occur to anyone that the reason that some characters were abandoned in the Golden Age was because they weren't very good?
Secret Six #12: Every issue I like this series less and less, although I'm not sure exactly why.
Justice League - Cry For Justice #2 (of 7)Written By James Robinson
Art By Mauro Cascioli
There's really no getting around the fact that this comic sucks. Oh, it's better than the first issue, but that just means that it's awful instead of hilariously awful. I don't have good feeling about this series, since it has, so far, been superheroes whining at each other for the better part of two issues.
Anyway, this issue features the team slowly coming together as they begin to realize that these attacks are linked. Actually, they don't quite make it that far in this particular issue, but that's certainly where things are heading...albeit in the most glacial manner possible.
Also, after reading this issue, I have never hated Hal Jordan more, as Robinson somehow takes something like five pages to discuess why Green Lantern hated Batman, which is even less exciting than it sounds. At least last issue when the characters said stuff it was entertainingly stupid, this time characters are just boring.
Come to think of it, this is kind of like the exact opposite of Grant Morrison's run. Morrison's JLA was over-the-top, Robinson's is painfully low-key. Morrison's stories focused on action, Robinson's seem to be almost entirely character development. Morrison featured DC's most popular characters, Robinson includes characters like Congorilla. People liked Morrison's JLA, Robinson's....not so much.
Hulk #13
Written By Jeph Loeb
Art By Ed McGuiness
First of all, if last issue was #600, shouldn't this be #601? I mean, aren't you obligated to at least wait one issue before renumbering it again?
Anyway, at this point I don't think there's anything left to say. It's about big things hitting each other until the issue ends. I guess that's fine, it's better than most of what Jeph Loeb has written lately, but most of the better Hulk runs have offered something besides mindless action and this doesn't.
Also, I officially don't care about the Red Hulk who has done nothing interesting ever.
Captain America-Reborn #2Written By Ed Brubaker
Art By Bryan Hitch
I don't get Captain America. I understand the concept of a guy who embodies all of the positive American ideals, which is what the Steve Rogers version of Cap is, but it doesn't seem like a very interesting character to me. At any rate, this is the miniseries designed to bring back the original version of Captain America.
I'm not a huge fan of Brubaker's run on Captain America. On an intellectual level, I know that it's well-written, but it just doesn't do much for me. Given that everyone else likes it, and that I basically have no idea what I'm talking about, I blame myself for this.
In retrospect, I suppose the point of this review was to inform the reader that a) I don't like Captain America and b) I'm a moron. Mission accomplished.
Mini-reviews: When ten sentences are simply nine too many!
Agents of Altas #9: Not only does this issue feature better use of a man trapped in a gorilla's body than Cry For Justice, it also features better use of Bruce Banner than the Hulk. Kind of makes you think.
Amazing Spider-Man #601: Why won't the writers of Spider-man stop talking about One More Day? Seriously, why can't they just let it alone.
Exiles #5: CANCELLED!!!!....again.
The Hangman #1: Did it ever occur to anyone that the reason that some characters were abandoned in the Golden Age was because they weren't very good?
Secret Six #12: Every issue I like this series less and less, although I'm not sure exactly why.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Comic Reviews Week of 7/29/09
Let's do it to it:
Justice Society of America (v2) #29
Written By Bill Willingham and Matthew Sturges
Art By Jesus Merino
Now, it's always a bit tricky to complain about the first issue of a new writer's run because even great writers sometimes need a bit of time to feel things out. I seem to recall the first Geoff Johns arc in the Flash wasn't particularly good, and Paul Levitz's famed Legion run also had something of a false start.
That said, I'm not impressed. One of the reasons that the last volume of JSA was so good was the character development. Recently, however, that's fallen by the wayside as Geoff Johns felt compelled to create as many legacy characters as possible and jam them all into the book at once. And that'd be fine if the new characters were any good...but well, not so much. (By the way, in an utterly insane decision by DC, Magog is getting his own ongoing, if it is not dead within a year of its debut, I will resign from comic fandom in protest.)
This issue features the debut of the new All-American Kid and King, who are successors to two Golden Age characters that no one ever heard of, because if there was one thing that the JSA was lacking, it was that. (Although the smart money says that at least one of them will be gone by the end of the arc.) It's one thing to have a sense of history, it's another to have more legacies than Yale in the '50s. But this is Willingham and Sturges' first issue, so it's probably wise to wait a bit before dumping this comic.
Justice League of America (v2) #35
Written By Len Wein
Art By Tom Berenick and Pow Rodrix
That's a pretty misleading cover, although given the current status of this title, I can see why DC would want to do everything it could to promote this book. Anyway, this is a guest arc leading up to the new permanent writer who is....James Robinson....great.
Anyway, before that potential calamity strikes, the team consists of Vixen, Firestorm, Dr. Light and Red Tornado, with special guest star Plastic Man. On the one hand, there's a part of me that really enjoys this sort of underdog, makeshift team. On the other hand, that only works if such a team contains characters I actually like. While I do like the new Firestorm, my memories of Vixen and Red Tornado were poisoned by Meltzer's run, and I'm pretty sure Dr. Light is there to fill space more than anything else.
Actually, this whole comic is just filling space created by McDuffie's acrimonius departure, but by the standards of fill-in comics it's not bad. (Ironically, McDuffie was fired because he publicly complained about the quality of characters he was allowed to use.) So if you're a completist or just a comic fan with too much money, this is the comic for you. Otherwise, save your money.
Teen Titans (v3) #73
Written By Brian Q. Miller
Art By Joe Bennett
This is one of those 'next issue a Titan will DIE' type of story arcs, which works better than these arcs usually do for a couple of reasons. First, there's a good set-up with the Titans spending a night out on the town. This is essential because no one's heard of the vast majority of these characters, so you need to do something to get people to care when you kill one of them. The second reason is that almost all of these characters are expendable, so Miller can afford to kill one of them off without having to resort to some sort of easy out.
Mini-Review
Ultimatum #5: Some more people die in gruesome ways! How the hell this is supposed to reinvigorate the Ultimate Universe is beyond me, although it does raise the question: was "The Long Halloween" the biggest fluke in comics history?
Retraux Revieux
Written By Len Strazewski
Art By Mike Parobeck
Cover Date August 1992
Sometimes innovation just doesn't work out. For example, no one had ever tried to write a comic book about senior citizen superheroes until Len Strazewski came up with this comic. In fairness, it's not badly written and it's an original idea, even to this day, with the elderly members of the JSA have serious health problems and mainly being cranky old men.
Of course, the problem is that Strazewski takes the idea of elderly superheroes and then dials it up to eleven. Sandman has a heart attack within the first few pages, Dr. Mid-Nite is going blind and the rest of the characters are forced to confront their severely diminished capabilities. Again, that's new territory, but a comic about a bunch of old guys coming to terms with aging did about as well as you might imagine during the heart of the Image era.
Still, you have to give Strazewski a certain amount of credit. When Johns essentially took over the Golden Age characters a few years later, he mainly danced around the issue of the characters' age by killing off some of them and making the rest look and act decades younger than they actually were. (Right now the Golden Age JSAers would be in their nineties, as their participation in World War II precludes them from being part of the same sliding timeline as the rest of the DC universe)
It was a noble experiment that had not chance in hell of working, and it was unceremoniously cancelled after ten issues.
Justice Society of America (v2) #29
Written By Bill Willingham and Matthew Sturges
Art By Jesus Merino
Now, it's always a bit tricky to complain about the first issue of a new writer's run because even great writers sometimes need a bit of time to feel things out. I seem to recall the first Geoff Johns arc in the Flash wasn't particularly good, and Paul Levitz's famed Legion run also had something of a false start.
That said, I'm not impressed. One of the reasons that the last volume of JSA was so good was the character development. Recently, however, that's fallen by the wayside as Geoff Johns felt compelled to create as many legacy characters as possible and jam them all into the book at once. And that'd be fine if the new characters were any good...but well, not so much. (By the way, in an utterly insane decision by DC, Magog is getting his own ongoing, if it is not dead within a year of its debut, I will resign from comic fandom in protest.)
This issue features the debut of the new All-American Kid and King, who are successors to two Golden Age characters that no one ever heard of, because if there was one thing that the JSA was lacking, it was that. (Although the smart money says that at least one of them will be gone by the end of the arc.) It's one thing to have a sense of history, it's another to have more legacies than Yale in the '50s. But this is Willingham and Sturges' first issue, so it's probably wise to wait a bit before dumping this comic.
Justice League of America (v2) #35
Written By Len Wein
Art By Tom Berenick and Pow Rodrix
That's a pretty misleading cover, although given the current status of this title, I can see why DC would want to do everything it could to promote this book. Anyway, this is a guest arc leading up to the new permanent writer who is....James Robinson....great.
Anyway, before that potential calamity strikes, the team consists of Vixen, Firestorm, Dr. Light and Red Tornado, with special guest star Plastic Man. On the one hand, there's a part of me that really enjoys this sort of underdog, makeshift team. On the other hand, that only works if such a team contains characters I actually like. While I do like the new Firestorm, my memories of Vixen and Red Tornado were poisoned by Meltzer's run, and I'm pretty sure Dr. Light is there to fill space more than anything else.
Actually, this whole comic is just filling space created by McDuffie's acrimonius departure, but by the standards of fill-in comics it's not bad. (Ironically, McDuffie was fired because he publicly complained about the quality of characters he was allowed to use.) So if you're a completist or just a comic fan with too much money, this is the comic for you. Otherwise, save your money.
Teen Titans (v3) #73Written By Brian Q. Miller
Art By Joe Bennett
This is one of those 'next issue a Titan will DIE' type of story arcs, which works better than these arcs usually do for a couple of reasons. First, there's a good set-up with the Titans spending a night out on the town. This is essential because no one's heard of the vast majority of these characters, so you need to do something to get people to care when you kill one of them. The second reason is that almost all of these characters are expendable, so Miller can afford to kill one of them off without having to resort to some sort of easy out.
Mini-Review
Ultimatum #5: Some more people die in gruesome ways! How the hell this is supposed to reinvigorate the Ultimate Universe is beyond me, although it does raise the question: was "The Long Halloween" the biggest fluke in comics history?
Retraux Revieux
Written By Len StrazewskiArt By Mike Parobeck
Cover Date August 1992
Sometimes innovation just doesn't work out. For example, no one had ever tried to write a comic book about senior citizen superheroes until Len Strazewski came up with this comic. In fairness, it's not badly written and it's an original idea, even to this day, with the elderly members of the JSA have serious health problems and mainly being cranky old men.
Of course, the problem is that Strazewski takes the idea of elderly superheroes and then dials it up to eleven. Sandman has a heart attack within the first few pages, Dr. Mid-Nite is going blind and the rest of the characters are forced to confront their severely diminished capabilities. Again, that's new territory, but a comic about a bunch of old guys coming to terms with aging did about as well as you might imagine during the heart of the Image era.
Still, you have to give Strazewski a certain amount of credit. When Johns essentially took over the Golden Age characters a few years later, he mainly danced around the issue of the characters' age by killing off some of them and making the rest look and act decades younger than they actually were. (Right now the Golden Age JSAers would be in their nineties, as their participation in World War II precludes them from being part of the same sliding timeline as the rest of the DC universe)
It was a noble experiment that had not chance in hell of working, and it was unceremoniously cancelled after ten issues.
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