Comic Reviews Week of 7/22/09

It's the week of the San Diego Comic-Con...which means very little to me!




Final Crisis - Legion of Three Worlds #5 (of 5)
Written By Geoff Johns
Art By George Perez

I am torn. On the other hand, this issue really isn't that bad. It's well-written, it's got good art, and it saves Gates, one of my favorite reboot Legion characters, from comic book limbo...literally.

However, this issue also allows Geoff Johns to essentially rollback the Legion to what it was in 1986, and...I don't think that's a very good idea. First of all, as a practical matter, the differences between the three iterations of the Legion were pretty minor, meaning there simply can't be a lot of Legion stories that Geoff Johns wants to tell that need the old pre-Crisis Legion in order to work. Second, the old Legion was overrated anyway, because there aren't that many good stories that came out of that era, and the ones that are famous (i.e. any good at all) all come the early-to-middle part of the Levitz run.

I also just realized that I hate every single version of Superboy that currently exists in DC continuity. I mean, I always knew I hated Superboy Prime, but I just realized how much I dislike Connor Kent. He started out as this mildly amusing joke character, then became the star of his own light action book....and then Geoff Johns got a hold of him and set a new world record on fastest injection of angst into a character. Does anyone really like the character of Connor Kent at this point? Once you suck all the fun out of a character like that, what's left? A mopey teenage Superman.

But, as long as you are able to completely disconnect the contents of this issue from both the larger story being told, and what it means for the DC universe, it's a good comic.



Power Girl #3
Written By Jimmy Palmiotti and Justin Gray
Art By Amanda Connor

Hey, the art's great! That's got to count for something....

Here's the thing, Power Girl is a rather ridiculous character. I believe her origin story at this point is that she's Supergirl from an alternate universe, except she ended up on the main earth at just the wrong time, so when her universe's earth got re-created, a copy of her was made, so that she was in effect replaced by another Power Girl on her own earth. Yeah, that's easy for new fans to digest.

Anyway, this is the concluding part of "Gorilla Warfare" where Power Girl has to fight a gorilla with the mind of a mad scientist. It's the very definition of mediocrity, really. But then again, how do you write a character who is best known for her cup size? Shit, the fact that this comic isn't just cheesecake and boob jokes shows an almost inhuman amount of restraint that deserves to be commended.



Incredible Hulk #600
Written By Jeph Loeb and friends
Art By Ed McGuiness and others

If you start a new volume of a series for the sole purpose of making money, it seems wrong that you can go back to the old numbering at any time.

Anyway, this issue is features the Red Hulk fighting the Green Hulk...again, and....I can't write about this comic anymore, it's just two oddly proportioned hulks hitting each other until a big explosion blows everything up with explaining much of anything. But apparently there's a war coming, which would be a lot more interesting if World War Hulk hadn't come out less than two years ago.


Gotham City Sirens #2
Written By Paul Dini
Art By Guillem March

Oh man...this is not good. It's so bad it features a scene where Catwoman is given the equivalent of a truth serum and is forced to divulge that Bruce Wayne is Batman...except no one believes her because there's no way that the dilletante Bruce Wayne could be living a double life as the Caped Crusader.

This is a comic that is based off one above-average episode from a cartoon series that ended over a decade ago. Not the strongest foundation for an ongoing series I've ever heard.

Mini-reviews:

Runaways #12: This is still going on...amazing, really.

Amazing Spider-Man #600: I feel compelled to make a joke about Aunt May being forced to make a deal with the devil that retcons her marriage out of existence. Also, how old is Aunt May. I mean, she appears to be the contemporary of J. Jonah Jameson's father, who is himself a generation older than Peter Parker....makes you think.

Green Lantern #44: Again, I feel compelled to point out that zombie Martian Manhunter ain't scaring anyone. Show me a zombie of a character who wasn't cannon fodder and we'll talk.

Comic Reviews Week of 7/15/09

Okay, let's go:





Blackest Night #1 (of 8)
Written By Geoff "The Guilty Got Guiltier" Johns
Art By Ivan Reis

Fuck. This isn't good, this isn't good at all. But I can prove it.

First of all, the action of this issue takes place on what is essentially Super-Memorial Day, which is a day of mourning celebrated every year on the day that Superman died, except he came back pretty shortly thereafter, but whatever. That serves to give all of the main players not only a chance to talk about fallen comrades, but also a way of grouping them around the graves of super-heroes and villains, to the point where Green Lantern and Flash hang around a crypt of super-villains that the Justice League now apparently keeps in their basement. This part of the comic is dreary, preachy, and, most damningly, boring.

Meanwhile, Black Hand has decided, after snacking on Batman's corpse (no, really) that in order to bring death to the universe, he has to raise the dead, setting the stage for a super-zombie attack. Now, unfortunately, most of the better DC heroes are still alive, so it looks like the dead will be led by...Aquaman and Martian Manhunter....not exactly a strong starting line-up. Fuck, any comic that relies on Elongated Man, in any iteration, to be even mildly menacing has not thought this through.

Actually, this crossover could be called: DC Zombies: Cannon Fodder's Revenge.

The biggest problem with this comic is simply that it takes itself so fucking seriously. I mean, I guess Johns is trying to make a point about human resilience when he talks about how people moved back to Coast City even though it had once been completely destroyed, but the city had been completely rebuilt by magical forces, and death is cheap in a universe where everyone, given enough time, comes back to life. It's pretty easy to overcome death when it's not permanent.

Other Comics:

Agents of Atlas #8: Let's all enjoy this while we can.

Blackest Night: Tales of the Corps #1: Every time I see the many Lantern Corps, I can't help but think of Captain Planet.

New Mutants #3: Actually not too terrible!

Comic Reviews Week of 7/8/09

Another DC Crossover starts and you know what that means: brutal violence by the comic-load, so let's dig in!

Green Lantern (v4) #43
Written By Geoff Johns
Art By Doug Mahnke

Maybe it's the fact that there are two spreads that show off the many ways DC has killed off their characters over the past few years, or maybe it's the face that a guy graphically murders his family then blows his brains out, but this isn't quite what I thought they meant when Dan DiDio and company meant when they said they were making the DC Universe fun again.

But here's the thing, this is the culmination of years of build-up, and it was all for a glorified zombie story? Really? I mean, this is shaping up to be the best superhero zombie story ever told and I suppose that's something. Personally, I'll just be glad to see Green Lantern move onto something new.

The art's good, though, and I suppose if you're going to write a story about evil zombie Black Lanterns and their leader, this would be the one to write.




Amazing Spider-Man Annual #36
Written By Marc Guggenheim
Art By Pat Oliffe

Speaking of bizarre returns from the dead, I believe this is the first Spider-Man book in over a decade to make more than an oblique reference to the Clone Saga. Of course, ever since One More Day, the Clone Saga's position as the unspeakable shame of the Spider-Man mythos has been usurped, and so I guess this had to happen at some point, because, comparatively speaking, while the Clone Saga was seemingly endless and poorly written, it didn't involve Spider-Man making a deal with the devil. Plus, it was the story that brought the Green Goblin back to life, so it must have done something right.

Anyway, this annual also features Spider-Man ogling his cousins...and then feeling self-conscious about it, and it goes on for a few pages. More importantly, this issue contains the most accurate representation of Boston and its inhabitants ever seen in a comic book. Oh, sure, some would say that many Bostonians are fully capable of pronouncing 'r's and do not constantly use the word 'wicked' in every other sentence. However, that is clearly a lie concocted by Bostonians so that the world cannot see them as the subhuman monsters they are. Therefore, I would like to give Guggenheim high praise for his insightful and clever writing in this annual.



Green Arrow & Black Canary #22
Written By Andrew Kreisberg
Art By Mike Norton

The big idea of this story is the two leads dealing with villains that they, through indirect means, created. That part is fine. Of course, it ends with Black Canary demanding that Green Arrow quit for reasons that don't make a lot of sense and don't really amount to much.

For some reason, Kreisberg thinks that this is a good time to show a new version of Black Canary's origin, and that part is somewhat awkwardly jammed in. It helps if you remember that last issue there was the scene where Black Canary's power accidentally deafened a guy when her powers first manifested, which is what happened to the villain of this issue, but it's not referenced in this particular issue, so it took me a bit to fit it all together. It'll work better in a trade paperback, I'd assume.

The back-up features an uninteresting bit with Green Arrow and Cupid, but you could do worse.

Pico-Reviews: 10^-12 of a normal review!

Batman #688: Much like Chuck Austen wrote Uncanny X-Men while Morrison wrote New X-Men, so too must Judd Winick write Batman when Morrison writes Batman and Robin, because balance in the universe must be maintained.

Ms. Marvel #41: Wait, they killed Ms. Marvel why, again? Also, how has this series lasted 41 issues?

Red Robin #2: And why does this comic exist?

R.E.B.E.L.S. #6: And why would they bring back the unsuccessful follow-up to a largely-forgotten series at all?

Booster Gold #22: And why....oh, wait, I liked this one. Damn it.

Comic Reviews Week of 7/1/09

It's the Fourth of July, and to me that means more reviews of comics that either infuriated me or were included to create the false impression that there are comics I didn't hate.



Justice League: Cry For Justice #1 (of 7)
Written By James Robinson
Art By Mauro Cascioli

Ah, James Robinson, on the one hand, he wrote Starman, on the other, he wrote the screenplay of League of Extraordinary Gentlemen...so, this comic has the potential to go either way. Still, I really, really, want this comic to be good.

It's not.

First of all, the art isn't bad, but it doesn't seem particularly well-suited to this book. As much as I think Robinson would like it to be different, this is hardly a high concept title, and would be better served by more conventional art.

Second, it's just not fun to read. Hal Jordan comes off as a whiny asshole who at one point says "I am the Law [in this space sector]", Mikaal Tomas blows up somebody's car and just walks away, Ray Palmer tortures a guy for information, and Congorilla...is supposed to be taken seriously.

Maybe it'll turn around over the course of the miniseries, but I have the same bad feeling about this as I did when I read the first issue of the Meltzer run, especially since it has that whole pretentious, let's-take-superheroes-way-too-seriously vibe.


Captain America: Reborn #1 (of 5)
Written By Ed Brubaker
Art By Bryan Hitch and Friends

Personally, I never really liked Captain America. It's probably because it seemed like every comic he was in, the other characters would fawn other him, and if some character didn't, by the end of the issue they'd be proven wrong and duly line up to give Captain America a metaphorical blowjob. And, me being me, the more a writer wants me to admire a character, the more iconoclastic I feel compelled to be.

Anyway, this comic is fine, with the proviso that I'd prefer Steve Rogers to stay six feet under for the same reasons I didn't like the resurrection of Barry Allen; he works better as an impossible standard to aspire to than a living, breating character.

Also, I can't but wonder if Captain America is striving to set right what once went wrong, and always looking for the leap back home.


Batman and Robin #2
Written By Grant Morrison
Art By Frank Quitely

Batman RIP may have been overhyped and underwhelming, but this book is convincing me that it was a necessary step in the Batman titles. Good writing, good art, and a solid premise that I, as of now, I'm going to be bummed to see end when they bring Bruce Wayne back in the not-too-distant future.

This simply isn't a book I care to criticize...which seems like an uncharacteristically positive way to end my reviews....except, there's still one review left




Marvel Divas #1 (of 4)
Written By Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa
Art By Tonci Zonjic

Comics like this make me question that there is a loving God. Surely if a benevolent creator existed he would have done something to prevent this monumentally ill-conceived comic from coming out. I mean, this comic is Sex and the City with superheroines, except I can't imagine who that appeals to.

But, hell, it is trying something new, so I suppose it deserves credit for that, except it does so poorly. The writing isn't very good, best exemplified by the ending where after talking about romantic conquests for fifteen pages, one of the characters suddenly announces she has cancer. It's a weird mood whiplash, and one that this already shaky book can't handle.

And as for the art, well, if you're going to put a J. Scott Campbell cover on a book it sends a certain message, and the art doesn't quite sync up with it, although it's probably to this comic's benefit..

So, if you've ever said to yourself, "Man, if only superheroines would stop fighting crime and instead have an extended conversation about their sex lives, except in a totally non-graphic way," then you simply do not, and, moreover, cannot exist, for if such a person did exist, it would shatter all preconceptions about who comic fans are...and I am not ready to live in that world.