Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Fuck it, Let's Tear the Shit out of Lightbringer

Lewis Lovhaug, better known as Linkara, is known for his video reviews of bad comic books at the unfortunately named "Channel Awesome." He also writes bad webcomics. (Sidenote: He apparently also writes young adult fantasy, on Barnesandnoble.com there are six reviews of his first book. The first equates it to Lord of the Rings, the second seems oddly entranced with the fact that the protagonist is a 14-year old boy. The other four think it's shit.)

Anyway, the central conceit of the series is that Lightbringer is his world's first superhero, not a particularly original concept, but fine, by the standards of this blog, it's not the worst idea I've encountered. It may be the least facially interesting, but well, good writing can alleviate that problem.

So, can Lovhaug's wordsmithing save the day? The second arc features a super-villain who plans to distort reality somehow. That sounds like it would be difficult, but it turns out that all he needs is the power source of a breast expansion device in order to make it work, and Lightbringer's assistant happens to have one because, well, there's really no explanation that's going to be satisfying to that, is there? The other arcs are in the same vein as only Lightbringer can accomplish the superheroic feats of preventing mass slavery in America and making sure witnesses don't get murdered.

As for the art, well, the man simply cannot draw. Not that such a limitation stops him from putting out pinups of his female characters. Lovhaug eventually got a ringer to do the art for him, which I suppose I'd appreciate more if the comic weren't otherwise terrible.

Now, I suppose the time has come to discuss Mr. Lovhaug's moral and political beliefs. Oh, I'd prefer to avoid the subject entirely, if only because fighting objectivists is a sucker's game, but well, he leaves me little choice. Walter Kovacs, of course, is the real identity of Rorschach, a deconstruction of the objectivist hero who would rather see the world burn than conceal the truth. Alan Moore is rather clear on that point. You'd think that given some time, Lovhaug would realize this but....no.

But, hey, Lovhaug doesn't need to listen to some God-damned limey pinko! No, he understands that the only way to fight crime is to violate any civil liberties you need to. (This scene is actually worse than it looks, as the FBI essentially sent Lightbringer into the bad guy's base with the explicit purpose of violating the hell out of the 4th amendment.) Also, he's apparently not a fan of moral relativism.

Let's look at his villains, shall we?

-General Werres: A totally evil moral relativist who feels that it's not really that bad to operate a slave auction so long as he donates some of the money to charity, a spot on criticism.
-The Smiling Man: A dude whose scheme partially relies on stealing a breast expansion ray.
-The Gentleman: A centuries-old prude who was really Jack the Ripper....and the Black Dahlia killer....and the Zodiac killer. He figures that the best way to bring back civility is through brutal murders. He is defeated in a manner not seen since the days of Scooby-Doo.
-A Dude who apparently blackmailed an acquaitance of Lightbringer's into having sex with him in lieu of filing an auto insurance claim against her: Lightbringer's deadliest foe, to be sure.
-The Darkbringer: Lightbringer's archnemesis. He loves giving his speeches.
-The Power Glove: He's so....bad.
-The American Legal System: Plea Bargains in exchange for cooperation? Not on Lightbringer's watch!
-Catwoman knockoff #713: Hey, originality is hard!
-The democratically-elected mayor of the town: This issue: Lightbringer fights the mayor and her dastardly plan to reserve the ability to police the citizenry to professionally trained officers of the peace who are legally accountable for their actions!

That is not an inspiring rogues' gallery.

In summary, if you've ever wondered why Alan Moore has disowned Watchmen, this comic should make clear to you his concerns over misinterpretations of his work.

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